Unsolicited Advice

I have a complaint. Today, I gave the ultimate advice giver some advice. My mom has the philosophy in life thatshe is just giving you her two cents worth and who couldn't use two cents. She has always loved giving advice and being slightly nosey. The advice is not the problem, at least not 100% of it. If she could just give advice, drop the subject, and then allow you to make the decision, there would be no problem. Unfortunately, she gives advice in such a way that does not allow for any other legitimate alternative. Usually this advice will be repeated 2-3 x a week (in ever increasing increments) until the advice is followed. I have taken the slightly indirect, sometimes sneaky way of dealing with the advice. Slightly squint my eyes and look off to the side (like in deep thought) and then nod slightly as if the wisdom is sinking in and then do my own thing. 90% of the time, Mom is appeased and I am free to do what I wish. The other 10% of the time we go through a period of hostility and annoyance, because even if the advice is good I tend to be stubborn. Of course if the advice is good, it is usually seconded by my father who my husband and I both agree has great wisdom. (Clarification--my mom has wisdom, her presentation is what is stinky).

So, given this, I am very hesitant to give advice unless asked. Tonight, on my Birthday, I took advantage. The side story goes something like this. On my trip recently to Colorado to visit my brother, his wife, and my neice, the advice giving of my Mom came up. Her advice created anger and withdrawal in my brother (to say the least) and in his wife, it created hurt feelings and also some withdrawal. With this in mind, finding out about Mom and Dad's upcoming trip to Colorado, I braved the unsolicited advice world. I asked about their upcoming trip. I reminded my mother about how sensitive my brother could be about perceived criticisms. I laid the bait down thick on this hook. She wasn't biting. So I get a little more straight forward. Just refrain from advice, especially unsolicited. Still wasn't biting--she wanted to go into how those criticisms are truly just "perceived" on the part of my brother. Oh no, my husband could no longer stay out either, "You have to admit that you come across as critical," says my husband.

She did not say much else. I mentioned the importance of acceptance and not pushing (I think) in getting them to come here. I meant visiting more, Mom thought I meant moving here. And we were off topic.

So here is a little prayer going out that after some thought the unsolicited advice to the queen of unsolicited advice will sink in.