I Noticed It One Day Too Late

Strange blog post here, but yesterday I noticed that the anniversary of my divorce had passed by and it hadn't even registered with me. It was only when I went to work on monday and noticed the date on the calendar that I started thinking, "hmm, wasn't it this time last year..." This year the day couldn't be any different. Last year was a dark day (not literally as the sun was shining bright). Not only did my divorce go through, but I was stuck in a training--Grief after Trauma. In this training (as if talking about grief and trauma for 2 days isn't bad enough by itself) they showed a video about a church shooting that happened in Fort Worth, Texas in September 1999. Yes, for those who know me and are doing the math, I was in Fort Worth at the time of the Wedgewood Baptist Church shooting. A man walked into a See You At the Pole Rally and shot into a group of teenagers, killing seven before killing himself. (Thank God he was horrible at making pipe bombs or this would have been even worse). This was during my first semester of practicum and I led one of the many debriefing groups later in the week--my first ever therapy session (trial by fire). There were seminarians there that were also wounded or killed. This was my divorce day last year. The end of a marriage and a reminder of a very real tragedy. I remember last year driving from the training center to home trying so hard to keep it together, not succeeding at all. So I changed course slightly drove straight to my parent house and just cried while my parents held me. I am so thankful for my family. I am so glad that I came back home to live before all of this happened.

So... This year. Again, totally different from last year. I went to church (always a place of healing for me), I sat next to my friend--flower goddess, enjoying an occassional laugh (or two or three--do we ever stop laughing), playing handbells (enjoying the last of the season--ready for summer break), watching graduating seniors be recognized (some that I have worked with for the past three years). After church I had lunch with another friend and then met yet another dear one at the park for a little bit. It was almost as if God was saying, "When you remember what the day is, I want you to know that you were well provided for, that there were friends to be there for you, but I will protect you from actually needing their shoulder." What a difference a year makes. When I did finally sit down and remembered what Sunday was, I did shed a few tears (it was inevitable). Not many tears though, healing is such a beautiful thing, sometimes it seems so stinking slow in coming, stuck somewhere along the way. And sometimes, it can take you by surprise, not even realizing how far you have come. What a great day.