Monday, April 19, 2010

Self-Centered People, and I Can't Cuss at Them

Yet another member of my family has died. My great Aunt Ruthie. I was less connected to her than to my uncle, but I have fond memories of her. You know the person in your family that is kind to all. Happy to see you, and her face lights up when you walk over to say "hi." She was always ready to give or receive a hug. She is like this with all the cousins so I am not special, but she was the type of person that would make you feel special. This is not a shocking passing. She was old and had lived a full life, getting to hold her great-grandbabies.

So I was telling this to "someone." She was trying to get the right person in her head, but it came across as really self centered. She asked... "Is this the one that owns the lake property where they have the weinnie roast every year? Shoot. Not that I ever met her, but I saw her when there for the weinnie roast." (Shoot??? meaning, my gradkids look forward to that weinnie roast, I hope they don't cancel it). When I expressed my plan to go to the funeral, her reaction was of shock. "For a great aunt?" Yes, for a Great Aunt. Yes, for my father's aunt. Yes, for a woman who would sit with me and talk with me. Yes, for someone who has known me all my life and celebrated all of my victories with me.

So, here is a hint for anyone that needs one. When someone says they are going to a funeral, it means that the person who died has meaning to them. (I am not a funeral junkie - even if this is my 4th in the past year, I don't really like going to them. I go because that person is special to me and deserves to be honored by me). To express shock or even surprise that the person wants to go to this funeral is rude. Plain and simple - all that is needed from you is a I'm so sorry to hear of your loss... or even this loss (if you can't bring yourself to imagine that I might be hurting). Your commentary is not needed, not appreciated, and frankly makes you look selfish and completely lacking in sympathy. This may be a true statement of you, you may be completely lacking in the skills to see life outside of yourself, but just in case you don't want to look this way... at least say the words that match cultural decorum or shut the "flip" up.

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