Any Suggestions?

2010-08-09T10:58:00.001-05:00

My Heart is Full

I hardly know where to begin, but I know that my heart is full... I will probably not make much sense... that is just the way it is. This post is full of nostalgia and amazement on the path of how I am where/what I am. And it is all connected to music.

Yesterday in church the sermon was on Prayer, as a matter of fact we are in a series on prayer. (One of my favorite topics as side from Worship when it comes to spiritual things.) This weeks prayer; singing your prayer. More often than any other type of prayer, this is the one that I connect to. Music has always been a part of my life. A huge part of my life. So it is a natural expression to pray in music. I have used music to dance and sing, to celebrate joy, to aid in grieving. I have a soundtrack. Sometimes that soundtrack is much holier than at other times, but... I have a soundtrack, and its a best seller (at least I know that I would buy it).

I don't think that music is any more powerful to me than anyone else. But I will say, that I have been blessed to be taught a love music that goes way beyond standard radio listening. To have been exposed to a wide range of music and love most all types of music (rap tends to be my exception). Childhood memories of music include children's choir, piano lessons, and sitting by the fire singing John Denver songs as a family while my Dad played guitar. There were dance lessons. There was a singing group that had gigs at Opryland. Music and childhood went hand and hand. Teenagedome was taken with singing duets with Shelley in the car to Indigo Girls, imbracing my Grungeness with flannel shirts and listening to Nirvana, NIN and Smashing Pumpkin. I added Marching Band to my music rep - that would be percussion and flute. Youth choir was a big deal to me, not only in my church but also in the regional audition choir (Impact - we sang in churches all over the state). I played flute in the church "band" (consistent of drum set, 2 flutes, and guitar). I sang in school choir (of course I did - I couldn't fit it into my schedule, so I would show up for morning chorus at 7:15 every morning before school started at 8). In college I auditioned for handbells on a whim - heard them once, never played - instant attachment, have been playing ever since in some way or another. I sang in choir and loved choir tours. And I joined a church and immediately joined their choir - that just seemed like a given.

And then it seemed my emersion into music was complete. I married a music major. I knew more music majors than psychology majors (still do it seems). He became a music minister. Again - how can a lay person know more about music than to have a 12 year relationship (11 in marriage) with someone so musical (not just musical, but a truly talented musican in love with music). I was the music minister's wife. And I embraced with this meant for me. Children's choir - I led that. Youth choir - I helped with that. Adult choir - I sang in that. Handbell choir - I played that. Solo singing - I sang that. These were never chores to me... I still do these even though I no longer have the title music minister's wife. All this to say, church music is a big part of my life.

I was complimented a month or so ago by my presence at church after the divorce. My continued involvement in choir and helping with the youth choir to this person was a surprise and an encouragement. Honestly, I didn't know where else I was supposed to be. When joyful or grieving... singing is where I should be. I have come full circle in grieving to joy when I have sat in the choir loft this past 3 years. I have driven alone to choir practices only to be surrounded by family, loved and blessed. I have sat in the choir loft sometimes unable to stop smiling, surrounded by the joy of others... In rehearsal I have laughed until sushed, and at other times have had to excuse myself to cry. Sometimes I am involved in ministering to other through music and sometimes it the music alone that ministers to me. There are times when I am overwhelmed by the worship experience and I can't quite bring myself to leave with the rest of the choir. So I stay and listen to the organ until the very last note.

*sigh* (a deep, contented, wonderful sigh) music.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say (sing),
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

2010-06-23T14:38:00.003-05:00

The Work of Vacation

I'm not really sure its vacation... it is mission trip, to Chicago, with the church's Youth Choir. But it is time away from the job and time to serve others. I really do get more out of helping others than you might think is really possible. Oddly enough in Sunday School this past week we talked about "disinterested benevolence." The idea that you give something for nothing in return. My mind immediately flashed to a Friends episode. (This will be a bit disjointed, but I think I have a point, so stay with me). Pheobe and Joey had a bet... Joey said no one does something for nothing... So Pheobe goes on a quest. She is determined to do something that helps another living creature, that she doesn't even feel good about. So she gets stung by a bee - she's unhappy and the bee gets to look tough in front of his friends... Joey points out the incorrect logic - the bee died after stinging her, so it wasn't helped at all. The episode is a series of actions meant to help others, but that Pheobe felt good about, so they didn't count. Then Pheobe gave away a lot of money to a telethon that Joey was working... she was actually very bummed because she hated Public Television and really wanted to spend the money on boots (or something like that)... and then her pledge got Joey on TV... which, of course, made Pheobe happy for her friend. And took away the good that she had done.

So... same thing in Sunday School (well, not really the same thing but sort of). Lisa (fabulous SS teacher) brought up disinterested benevolence in conjuction with the topic of agape (or Godly) love. Is is possible to do something for others out of completely disinterested intent without any self gain (such as Christ dying on the cross for us)? Can we really do something for nothing? Great Sunday School discussion topic. The answer really truly, if we examine our motives, is No. We are not good at doing something that doesn't include some payback or reward. Her example is mission trips. We hear the report back and just as often it is about what the missionary got out of the trip as well as what was done for the "ministered to". (And this is especially the case when younger missionaries come back - i.e., teenagers on a trip to Chicago???)

Here is the crux of the matter though... Here is my question in this... Yes, motives are important. I do not disagree with that. But... BUT... Does good feelings after the fact negate the ministry done? Does it only count if your ministry is not fruitful, if the person doing the action does not enjoy what they do or at least look back with satisfaction? It is interesting that these good feelings come from helping others? Isn't that something unselfish and "disinterested benevolence" anyway? Why, when we have the by-product of the missionary being changed we question their motives from the beginning? I worry that we can't have "pure" motives if there is a good outcome and rejoicing in the success of that outcome. We are human. We have goals and desired outcomes when we "do" something. Should that stop us from doing it in the first place? NO. Should we judge harshly those who are making efforts to minister and help others because we question the purity of their motives... no, not that either. That is to say as long as their goals/motives are not exploitative or harmful.

I do so hope that Christ looks back on his sacrifice with satisfaction. That he takes joy in the fact that what he did matters to a great many people. We wouldn't dare accuse Christ of un-disinterested benevolence because there are many that have found peace and joy because of him and he likes that.

(And hopefully I'm not being blasphemous... That would totally suck.)

2010-04-21T09:19:00.002-05:00

I will so botch this spelling, but... Petechia Hemorrhage. (Okay, I cheated and looked it up on Wikipedia)

3 years ago about this time of year, I got this for the first time. Tiny red spots all over my torso, esp. around panty, bra, and waist line. Itchy and irritating. I had just started a new allergy medication 2-3 weeks before (Zyrtec) and so it was linked to that. It simply dried me out too much... So I stopped it and went back to Claritin (which is all well and good, but not very effective at all) and suffered through another allergy season. [it was shortly after this that I started allergy shots].

Then 2 years ago about this time of year, I got a nasty sinus/upper respiratory infection and the allergist wanted to try a new allergy medication on me. Nope... 3 weeks later... itchy tiny red spots. ***side note: just in case you didn't look at the link, petechia hemorrhaging is when the capillaries burst, creating the red spots that can take days or even a couple of weeks to descipate.*** So, I am having an allergic reaction to my allergy medication.

Then... 1 year ago, about this time. I got it again. I can't even remember what medication it was that I started taking, but apparently that was a no no too. 2-3 weeks after taking it... red spots. This time what I remember most is that it was in my hairline and even on my ear lobes.

Now... I started some new medication (2 months ago), so I am unsure if it is connected, but itchy tiny red spots on torso, upper thighs, shoulders, and even some on my arms. It hasn't come up on my neck, but it is a little bit on my scalp. Even though I haven't had any new medication since 2 months ago, it is occuring to me that they had switched my generic on medication I take as needed for cold sores. And yes, I started that on Sunday. The only thing that doesn't hold is usually it takes 2 weeks on a medication to make this effect, not 1-2 days. *sigh* this is frustrating. Maybe it is just my bodies reaction to spring. I am allergic to spring.

2010-04-19T13:51:00.003-05:00

Self-Centered People, and I Can't Cuss at Them

Yet another member of my family has died. My great Aunt Ruthie. I was less connected to her than to my uncle, but I have fond memories of her. You know the person in your family that is kind to all. Happy to see you, and her face lights up when you walk over to say "hi." She was always ready to give or receive a hug. She is like this with all the cousins so I am not special, but she was the type of person that would make you feel special. This is not a shocking passing. She was old and had lived a full life, getting to hold her great-grandbabies.

So I was telling this to "someone." She was trying to get the right person in her head, but it came across as really self centered. She asked... "Is this the one that owns the lake property where they have the weinnie roast every year? Shoot. Not that I ever met her, but I saw her when there for the weinnie roast." (Shoot??? meaning, my gradkids look forward to that weinnie roast, I hope they don't cancel it). When I expressed my plan to go to the funeral, her reaction was of shock. "For a great aunt?" Yes, for a Great Aunt. Yes, for my father's aunt. Yes, for a woman who would sit with me and talk with me. Yes, for someone who has known me all my life and celebrated all of my victories with me.

So, here is a hint for anyone that needs one. When someone says they are going to a funeral, it means that the person who died has meaning to them. (I am not a funeral junkie - even if this is my 4th in the past year, I don't really like going to them. I go because that person is special to me and deserves to be honored by me). To express shock or even surprise that the person wants to go to this funeral is rude. Plain and simple - all that is needed from you is a I'm so sorry to hear of your loss... or even this loss (if you can't bring yourself to imagine that I might be hurting). Your commentary is not needed, not appreciated, and frankly makes you look selfish and completely lacking in sympathy. This may be a true statement of you, you may be completely lacking in the skills to see life outside of yourself, but just in case you don't want to look this way... at least say the words that match cultural decorum or shut the "flip" up.

2010-04-15T10:09:00.003-05:00

Toast

I don't know why. But I am craving toast. Something buttery with crisped crust and peach perserves.

It could be that I missed breakfast this morning. It could be that I just took a swig of cold coffee (cold from sitting out, not iced coffee) and now my stomach is yelling at me.

It could be that... I don't know. I just think toast sounds like a good idea. It is something that I will get a hankering for and can eat an entire loaf of bread toast style (not all at once but over a several day to one week time period)... I think I am entering into a toast time.

This could be that my body knows I am planning something mean for it... (26.2 mile marathon on April 24th!!!) It could be that bread (of all sorts) represents comfort food to me and I am wanting comfort.

Oh... it could be that bread is my butter and jam delivery system and I am actually craving butter?

Another possibility is the psycho-somatic manifestation of.... nah! Even I couldn't come up with something. Toast just means toast.

The world may never know why I want toast today.

2010-04-13T09:25:00.002-05:00

Sad

I just heard from my dad. My uncle Forrest passed away. He has had a fight with lung cancer for many years. During the first occurance, they removed 1/2 of his right lung (I think that is right) followed by radiation and chemo. This time around, he just got so tired, so quickly. That was when they discovered, almost by accident the cancer in his abdomen. He went back for his regular scan of his lungs and because of a little bit of pain/discomfort in his stomage, he asked them to scan a little lower.

His children were able to be with him in the end. Please remember his wife Brenda, and his kids... Micheal, Denise, Lana, and Melanie.

I have great memories of going over to their house for holidays. His house and yard and very much connected in my memory to my grandparents. Four generations lived side by side (and that still continued with Forrest grandchildren with three generations). Grandpa (my great-grandfather) lived in a small cabin next door to Grandma and Granddad and on the other side was Aunt Brenda and Uncle Forrest and their 4 kiddos. We would go over for Summer fun (4th of July is my biggest memories)... the cousins would thromp around in the creek behind the houses... raid Grandma's cookie jar... then run up to visit Grandpa (who would also give us cookies)... then we would take the Crawdads we caught from the creek to Uncle Forrest's carport and see if we could get them to fight together. There would always be some sort of country fun, whether it was shooting guns at paper targets or bottle rockets up in the air... The uncles would always be in lawn chair between Granddaddy and Grandma and Uncle Forrest's house, supervising or instructing or correcting the kids.

He was a wonderful and deep spiritual man. A deacon in his church. Someone that truly loved God, fellow men and country.

2010-04-12T11:34:00.002-05:00

Engagement Pictures

Went to Cheekwood this past Sunday to take engagement pictures. What fun! We were climbing up rock walls and in between Bamboo. There was blowing of bubbles and even laying in the grass. All sorts of cuteness was to be had. Laura L. was kind enough to bring her camera and snap the pictures. And the phrase of the day... "I love it. Ya'll are so cute."

2010-04-09T10:07:00.002-05:00

Finished Ignoring

Maybe... it is has been quite some time since I posted. There are several reasons behind this... none of which seem to matter today, because I want to complain a bit.

Will the person (or dog) that put sand in my eyes last night please step forward? Okay... maybe not. Is it just me or are allergins so completely out of control? Really, Seriously, Truly out of control. I feel like I have golf balls stuffed up my nose. And someone set my eyes on fire.

What is odd... I expected this two days ago. I know that when it comes to allergies I am what they call a "slow reactor", but really... after a good rain I expect relief... but NOOOO...

Thanks for listening. I plan on posting with a little more regularity. Let's see if that works for me.

2009-08-12T12:10:00.002-05:00

Not an Exact Quote from a Book but...

Reading a book that has made me cry at least 20 times so far and I am nearing the end. I won't spoil anything, so consider yourself safe. My Sister's Keeper. That's the book. Anna is considering the difference between what her funeral will be and her sister's funeral would be. She assumes that there would be standing room only at Kate's funeral--Family, Friends, Nurse/Dr's from the hospital, people who have helped raise money for her treatments--again, Standing Room Only. Kate has Leukemia. Anna on the other hand sees her own funeral as much less attended and this brings me to the quote. Again, it's not exact... I don't have the book in front of me (I left it at the counseling center last night and my next session isn't scheduled until Monday). "People would sing Amazing Grace. All the verses, not just the famous one."

This got me thinking not about mortality. Or even about my own funeral. (My songs would be For the Beauty of the Earth [my favorite] and It is Well with My Soul amoung others, I do want lots of music). Nope, this got me thinking about that elusive 3rd verse in the hymns that we just don't sing like we should. Can I say that I am a hymnal person? In the whole hymns versus chorus/traditional versus contemporary debate I fall more to traditional, but have no trouble praising God either way... After all worship is NOT about the worshipper, it is about the object of worship-- and I think God likes both. That is not the debate I am talking about though... I love hymns because they are so theologically rich. They are deep messages that get to the heart of doctrine--why we believe what we believe. And choruses have that too, but hymns have been weeded out. The bad one (musically and theologically) have been discarded and only the truly rich have remained. The new choruses are experiencing that weeding out process right now, but more care has to be taken in singing just any chorus--after all, music is a powerful teacher, and I for one do not want to be taught or teach poor theology. I'm rambling.

Why do I like to sing all verses and not just the famous ones? Because sometimes I read over it and I see what we are missing and I so want that particular truth to be taught.

2009-05-29T09:34:00.002-05:00

My Bags are Packed... I'm Ready to Go...

I'm standing here outside your door, I hate to wake you up to say Goodbye.
So Kiss me and smile for me...

That's right I am going on adventure again! This promises to be one of my best adventures yet. Gambia! The Gambia to be specific. I am thrill, I am excited. There is a beauty about experiencing different people and different cultures from your own, not just in books but truly to observe and connect in their lives.

I have learned so much from others in my life. I have been changed by my contact with other cultures. Each time I come in contact with new people I learn something. And I am not just talking about contact with those across the globe, I am talking about every day contact. I think that across the globe contact shocks us into learning more quickly. It opens our eyes and forces us to pay attention to the lives of others, to be observers so that the "bull in the china shop" syndrome can be avoided. But why can't we learn as well from others that surround us on a day to day basis? Well, I have a few theories about that as well. (this would be a side note coming on). First, on a day to day basis, we aren't exposed to that many different people--coworkers remain the same, the friends that we choose are very much like us, don't even get me started on the similarities of family. Second, once we get past initial stages with people, we assume that they don't change and we have nothing new to learn from them. Third, we put learning from others as a low priority--our own self absorbed tendencies take over, we are very much prone to say others should learn from us rather than the other way around. Oh, crap! I am guilty of this.

So, combating this (especially as we are tied year after year to same job, same town, same people) is something that must be intentional. Not necessarily a trip to Africa intentional, but purposeful just the same. I want to get out. I want to see and experience new things and I want to know new people. Have I told you I love my job (I am thinking of the counseling one right now, and yes there is a point, even if there is very little segue way)... on a week to week basis, new people come into my office and it is my job to learn about them--what makes them tick, what is essentials to their lives, what is allowable for me to tweak. What I end up asking myself, is do I extend the same curtesies to my friends--making intentional efforts to know them and what is essentials to their lives. Do I love my family enough to see that they view life sometimes differently and I can still learn from them? Do I show enough respect to my coworkers that I am getting to know how to relate to them best?

Sometimes it takes culture shock to truly love the people that are home. (Yes, I know... I did not end up where I originally intended to go with this post. That being said, I rarely end up with the post I had envisioned. That is why I am a random blogger and not a writer).

2009-05-22T10:57:00.002-05:00

Wally World

I went to Walmart last night for the first time in almost 2 years. I simply hated to break my streak. It is not that I hate Walmart (there is all that stuff about fishy business practices--i.e., hiring 2 part-time workers rather than one full-time to avoid paying benefits, etc... But they are a cusumer driven business that demands lower prices and they strive to meet that goal however they can.) This would be only one of the reason that I usually choose to shop elsewhere. I also, don't like shopping there. It is rarely a fun experience and leaves me a little stressed out everytime I simply drive through the parking lot. Too crowded. Too much stuff that is not usually what I really want in the first place. But I am preparing to take a trip to W. Africa soon and I needed to stock up on some supplies and what better place to get everything all in one place than Walmart. I was disappointed (or I should say I found exactly what I expected to find, but was hoping for better). Their (sad, I almost spelled it "there" instead of "their"--grammar police is going to get me on that one). hm. Their selection of Bug repellents--not so great (I even check all 3 locations--camping/outdoors, lawn and garden, and bug killers next to laundry detergent)... And although the selection was different in all three places they did not have the one I wanted... pump spray Off Active (sweatproof, waterproof, good Deet concentration) and the Premithen to dip my clothes into--they had some sort of aerosol spray, but not the dip and they had the Off Active in the aerosol or a pump spray of deep woods off. Finally found the sunscreen I wanted. Forgot the batteries, because apparently they are now hiding. They didn't have the type hat I wanted, but I am happy with the sunvisor I did get and a new pair of sunglasses (sadly, not rose colored glasses, but polarized with some great tinting).

The real reason I don't go to Walmart... I always end up with more stuff than my list says that I need... Bubble sticks--really long tubes filled with bubble fun! Little note pad (very pretty blue with flowers on it and elastic to hold it closed). Dog treats (as if they don't have Milkbones galore and really need peanut butter flavored dog cookies). From the clearance row... a Cocomotion machine (they have one at the group home in Adams and it is such a neat device, but totally a one trick pony for the kitchen). I almost picked up a new Beta fish as well. But decided that I would have to clean out the bowl again and I not entirely sure where the drops are for the water--so, I actually resisted an impulse buy from Walmart... Oh, Walmart the nemesis to my savings account!

2009-05-21T09:39:00.002-05:00

WHY????

I would like to know why the Tide To Go Pen seems to work great, except when I am at work and realized that I spilled coffee on my boob. Really I would think that is the best time to prove its worth, but no... I still have a stain and now I'm cold and wet. Even better it almost highlights the stain.

2009-04-08T08:58:00.002-05:00

My Morning...

So, early morning was great today. Even extremely productive. Woke up at 4:50, made bed, started a load of laundry, fluffed the clothes in the dryer, ran 3.25 miles on the treadmill, showered, dressed, folded the clothes and was still ready to leave for work early. I was truly impressive. A force not to be ignored! (Have I mentioned that I tend to be a morning person...) Gathered my lunch into my pretty pink lunch bag, fed the dogs, grabbed by breakfast cookie and a glass of milk and out the door I go. As an after thought, I decided to take out the trash.

This is the time to let you know that I am the queen of the one trip. Why take multiple trips out of the car when you can just load up and take one, right? Hee Hee. I may have learned my lesson. So, this is what I look like... Left arm: purse, lunch bag, craft/book bag, cookie has been stuffed into purse, glass of milk in hand. Right arm: Trash bag in hand, cardboard box tucked under arm to go out to recycling.

I get all this together and realize that I don't have my keys in hand... So, I set everything down and go to searching. They are usually on the kitchen counter or the hook by the door. This time they were neither place. So I am searching frantically all over the house. They were in my purse the entire time. Now I have my keys in my pocket, and load up again according to the list above. Get out the back door and set the trash down to shut the door behind me, pick up the trash again and go to the steps to get off my deck. That is when I catch my heel in the hem of my pants. Luckily, I didn't crash down face first into the concrete porch, no... I managed to catch myself on the railing with my left hand. Just a reminder in case you don't want to review the list, my left hand is where the glass of milk is (luckily... plastic cup). I completely cracked the plastic cup, emptying the milk in to my book bag (all over my W. Africa orientation manuel) and all over hand and arm (and the porch/deck too). Of course it took me a few moments to realize the cup was cracked as I was just grateful that my head wasn't cracked open. All the while the milk is seeping out more and more onto me and in the book bag.

So much for being early to work. I go back in the house and clean up as best as I can. I get the trash to the trash can and take off my coat (as it is covered in milk--something to deal with later tonight). I rush back out to the car just in time to realize that I have locked my keys in my house and did not put a different coat on. Now I am cold, my arm is still wet and I am so thankful that my dad installed a security key box. So... I run around to the front of the house, let myself in, grab another coat, grab my keys, notice that the dogs are looking at me like I am a crazy woman--so I give them a treat. And now I am on my way again!

Then, as if to say, despite all this you are destined for a good day... I have a Mary Siting!!!

2009-01-09T12:48:00.002-06:00

I'm Just Doing What I was Supposed To...

I went to get my allergy shot today. I am in the building phase of the shots, which means that I come in 2x a week. Not a problem, the shot room hours are great, I can go in Monday after work and Friday before work. Easy-breezy. Today, after getting my shot the nurse looks at the screen and looks at me and says, "You are really going through your shots." She said this all impressed like I was doing something amazing. Well, no, I signed up for allergy shots, commiting myself to twice a week for the first 3 months then weekly for 1-2 years after that. My understanding is that things work better when you follow the directions.

So, here is my question... Do we really live in a world where doing the bare minimum is impressive? I have noticed that all too often we set the bar low, we keep our expectations small, and then we still aren't surprised that those expectations are not met. Even at my job, I find myself growing cynical that someone is actually going to do what they said they will do. I get off the phone with someone, they have just told me that the check is going through with no issues, then I call the Accounts Payable department of that company and they have no idea about that payment--the Purchase Order hasn't even been approved. Why am I not surprised? I would have been more surprised if the payment was going through exactly as they had said.

On a side note, totally unrelated and slightly random. My elbows are very dry today. I have put Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion on several times and they just soak it right up.

2009-01-02T10:38:00.002-06:00

But What about the Shows I still have yet to Watch

I came home this past weekend to my DVR blinking. It really didn't phase me too much. I simply don't have much time to watch TV. It is not really on my priority list. I love to put on some music and read a book, instead.. I have great fun sticking in a DVD into the player and getting on the treadmill (okay, great fun might be an overstatement). The point is, TV is low on my list. I save it for the few and far between lazy days that I have. That is why I think DVR is the best thing since sliced bread. Someone (Carrie) will ask if I have seen the latest Big Bang. I always have to tell her no, but then usually will watch it within a day or two (fast forwarding through those pesky commercials) then call her back and laugh at what silly thing Shelton had done.

So, finally New Years Day I made some effort to figure out the problem. Hit the reset button, unplugged and plugged it back in. Called DirecTV. Was told to do the same things while their system is running some checks. Yep, the box is fried, completely out of commission. They couldn't even tell what had happened. They want me to send the box to them so they can try to figure that out to prevent it from happening to other systems. So, they are sending me a new one. This means that I will have to go through and reset all the season passes. And those shows that I had been saving for my Lazy day (which yesterday was a perfect example)? Gone. So, I will have to wait to catch Shelton in reruns. This is a sad day.

2009-01-02T09:57:00.004-06:00

A Reminder of How Much my Dogs Mean to Me

I saw "Marley & Me" yesterday in the theaters. I had read the book, so I knew exactly what to expect. If you are planning to see or read, please, save reading this post until after you have seen the movie or read the book. I really don't want to ruin anything for you. Although it is more about me than Marley, I don't want you to say you weren't warned...

The book/movie envoked two very precious memories for me. First was after there was a loss in the couples life. She couldn't cry, not at the doctors office, not on the trip home, not even with her husband. But when she got home, Marley was there, she was able to throw her arms around him and cry. How many times have I been unable (or unwilling) to cry in front of others and then gone home to Miriam? With Miriam, she doesn't tell me to stop crying, she doesn't ask questions about what's wrong, she just knows that I am hurting and is grateful to be there with me. When I finally lift my head from her shoulder, then she is ready with a comforting lick across the face. Almost as if she is saying, see its not so bad, nothing that a slimey tongue can't fix. Miriam has calmed alot in the past couple of years. She walks slower, jumps off the bed more gently in the morning, I know her site is failing, and her hearing is beginning to slip a bit. But she is still the same soul that loves me, loves her family.

The second was a little more painful. John said to Marley, "You will let me know when its time, won't you? I don't think I can make this decision by myself." Meaning when it was time to let Marley go, to put him to sleep. The first dog I thought of was Delmar. Letting him go after he was hit by a car was the hardest thing, and I am still afraid I was not brave enough to let him go when I should have, but waited through a couple of days of pain for him. Then I thought of Blaze, the wonder dog from my childhood. I was not there or in on the decision to let him go. I was away at school. She was an amazing dog. She used to climb on top of the dog house to sit. I think about my friend Katherine, who also had to let her dog go. I think about Craig and Rhonda and them saying goodbye to Killian. Letting go of your dog is inevitable--we simply live longer than our pets. But it doesn't mean that saying goodbye is ever easy. Katherine once explained to me that it was a misnomer to call your pet your child. The dog is simply not as selfish. Rather the dog seems to think it is all about you. All the dog really wants to do is love you, protect you, and make you happy. Treat him right and you will have a truly loyal friend.

2009-01-02T09:01:00.002-06:00

Meeting New People

There are times in life when you are about to meet someone new. You know the meeting is coming, you have been planning it for months. After all, it was a specially planned weekend trip to accomplish the meeting. For me, there are different approaches that I have to meeting new people. There is the personal side, the business side and the counselor side. And yes, they really are all different.

The Counselor side is truly my easiest. This is a role I slip into naturally. My first priority is always to put the other person at ease and to begin to establish rapport right away. If they are not comfortable, then we won't get to the heart of the matter and therapy will not take place. I love meeting new people in this setting. Usually we have set goals and issues in mind to talk about. It is purposeful conversation and searching for a topic is not a problem. The other thing that makes this extremely comfortable for me, is that self-disclosure on my part is limited. I am the one asking the questions. I am the one gathering the information and forming theories of what will work best for that client. It is all about them. If I am going to self-disclose, I will have already worked out in my head how that would be beneficial for the client.

The Business side of meeting new people is a little less comfortable, but I'm getting better and better. Give me a sales person and I can make idle chit chat with them for hours on end. The part that I am still working on is how to politely stop the conversation so that I can actually accomplish some work. Can't exactly be entering invoices and double checking that work if you have a sales person babbling on about springs and steel quality and blah, blah, blah. Of course, these are conversations that I do want to listen to, so that I know who has what in stock when it comes time to order. So I do listen, that is until they get to the let me tell you about what my kids did this past weekend... I guess I would include in this category Job Interviews, and co-worker conversations. No problems there either.

The personal meeting of new people. I am not very good at this at all. (I know in my head that I am better than I tend to feel like I am, but oh, the fits of uncomfortableness that I go through). I tend to be rather quiet and reserved on meeting new people. Once I begin to get to know someone, I open up a lot more (you know, that give and take of personal information). So, my usual M.O. when meeting new people and I have to watch this, is to slip into counselor mode, make it all about them. It puts the other person at ease fairly quickly and allows them a chance to talk about themselves. Problem--they want to know me too.

The meeting this Weekend? I met the family of a very dear friend. The stakes were high. After all, I wanted to make a good impression. Was I nervous? Ha! Of course, I was. I wasn't too worried about them liking me, most people like me without too much trouble. (I know, a little full of myself). My main worry was how to let them get to know me in such a short time when usually it can take several meetings before I am comfortable enough to start opening up. I think I did okay. After all, we were all determined to like each other, which is a very good place to start. I was able to be a little more talkative when I would have preferred to just sit back and listen. It was a good weekend. And even better it was a good meeting of new people.

2008-12-23T13:10:00.003-06:00

Turkey Troubles I will NEVER live down...

Every year the bosses give a turkey to all the employees and retirees that come to the Christmas party. EVERY year, without fail for over 50 years, turkeys have been given. This year, since I am in the Office Manager's spot, I put in an order for the turkeys. I did careful calculations (apparently, the Office Manager 2 people ago forgot to include the retirees in the count and gets to hear about it every year--this was 10 years ago). I called the normal place. This should have been my first clue that not all would be going well. That place was out of business, the company that took over... Butt's Food.

This has turned into one of those, its no one's fault situations, but it doesn't really matter. The turkeys were to be coming in from Jackson, TN by 9:30. By 11:30 the truck was finally leaving Jackson. That is right it was leaving Jackson already 2 hours late for delivery. The truck had broken down and that had to be fixed first. So here we are, nearly 4 hours after expected delivery and the turkeys are reportedly in West Nashville. That is not going to do me any good, seeing as since all the retirees have left and day shift is about to get off. I am getting orders from 4 different people, none of whom are talking to each other about what I should do. Cancel the turkeys. Can they hold the turkeys until Monday and deliver them then? No, I don't want to have to go out and buy a turkey, see if they can get them here my 2:30... Oh dear, I have a headache. And I know, I just know that since this was my first year ordering these stupid birds, I will never hear the end of it. Even if I work here for the next 20 years... every year that I go to order turkeys... "Well, remember what happened that one year..." "Now make sure that they will be there by 9:30..." "Jill, did you learn your lesson about where not to get the turkeys from..."

Hey, the truck just pulled up... and I am so dead serious. Ha!

2008-11-26T14:27:00.004-06:00

A Happy Thanksgiving

I am looking forward to a return to family traditions this year. Last year was a year of travel, went to the exotic location of Lexington, KY... and Thanksgiving dinner was at Shoneys on the way up. This year it is back at my aunts for turkey day dinner. Oh, I am so thankful for family. There is something fabulous about all of us squishing around her dining room table. We have kids in the family, but I am not sure that a kids table is necessary. There was a time when I was in college that the "kids" outnumbered the grown ups and we had a grown up table off to the side, and the kids still got to enjoy the big table.

Now this is not a slight to my Aunt, but it is this time of year that I really start to miss my grandparents. Grandmother and Granddaddy's house was full of memories and holiday fun. There was an enormous backyard and basement full of strange toys and fun hiding places. Grandmother would have the table set up in their formal living room. Tables placed end to end so that everyone had a place at it. The fun didn't start with dinner, it started when it was time to set the table. Dish after yummy dish was carried through the Den into the living room until this huge table was loaded with food. To be trusted with carrying that food was a huge responsibility and one that I took very seriously. Finding places to put the food, and ensuring that the mashed potatoes started on my end of the table were top priorities for me. Sometime before the actual dinner, Grandmother would pull me aside when the rolls came fresh out of the oven. Though I was always a big fan of the squishy middle, she thought the outside was the best part. So she would promptly pull out the middle and throw it out, butter up the crust, one for me and one for her. I never really had the heart to tell her that what she was throwing away would be what I wanted the most. Eventually I think my mom noticed and spoke up for me. From that moment on, we formed a fantastic partnership... I got the squishy middle and she got the crispy outside. Buttery goodness either way.

2008-10-22T08:26:00.002-05:00

A Perfect Fall Day

I just happened to look up through my window at work and it was beautiful. The wind had picked up and the leaves were falling through the air. Lighty drifting toward the ground. I will confess the background in a bit industrial for my taste--this would have been better in the woods or a hiking trail in the mountains... As it is; a train is passing through, there is a flatbed parked in the back of the lot, and three storage trailers are VERY visible and obscure the view of the trees that I can see. But when the leaves start blowing and falling, the leaves are all that I see. Add that to the cool crisp morning, the clear blue sky with just a wisp of cloud, and *deep sigh of contentment* this is why I love fall so much.

2008-10-13T12:16:00.004-05:00

Deeply Affected at the Frist

(Not a standard post...)

I went to the Frist Center for the Arts between church and more church yesterday. The featured exhibit was photography from the Eastman House Collection. For the most part I found the pictures to be interesting, but not deeply moving. Many were well known prints, seen in coffee table books across America. I have never been one to think that a picture is necessarily better as a print behind glass than in a book. I am showing my ignorance to those that have studied the art of photography. With sculpture, (or my personal favorite) stained glass, or even with paintings, there is a texture that can be appreciated in a live format that is just non-existent in the coffee table book (or even a print on the wall)... All this to say, I am a texture person. I love the 3D element. Perhaps this is why my artistic outlets are extremely tactile in nature... When working with stained glass, a lot of thought goes into the texture of the glass, the feel of the surface, the refractions of light. Or considering my lesser pursuits of quilting, I prefer the textural look and feel of a hand stitched quilt to that done on a machine. Or cross stitch, I rarely choose a pattern that doesn't have bead work with it.

So, that is my disclaimer. I have completely down played the photography exhibit. But there were pictures that caught my eye. There were photos that brought laughter, or pulled at my emotions in some way. All this to tell you about one photo that I could hardly take my eye off of I realize now that I want to write about it, I didn't even read the caption so I can only assume the subject matter, but I really have no idea. It was in the War room, I know this. My emotions were already extremely close to the surface, having seen some of the war pictures. And there it was, in the corner as you were about the exit the room. I was stuck and even now I can't get my mind to forget the image. I think it was in Vietnam, but again, I don't know this. They were children. The anguish and pain on their faces was so apparent, so raw. I am not even sure that I can attempt a commentary or even separate the thoughts that are jumbled inside my brain. The only thought that kept repeating and still repeats... This is war. The innocence torn. The hope extinguished. This is war.

2008-10-03T08:46:00.003-05:00

What is the true evil? The CO detector or the Battery?

It happens every time. It is not before I go to bed that the battery starts the warning beeps. It is not after my alarm goes off in the morning that it will begin. NO, it is sometime in the middle of the night. It is when I am the most sound asleep. It is when the dogs are warm and cuddled up and (most importantly) peaceful beside me. It is when I am in the middle of an amazing dream. That is when the beeping starts. BEEP. And the first few times it happens, I am still in the middle of sleep, barely awake and unable to pinpoint what the problem is. BEEP. A little curious as to why I am awake, but have no idea what it could have been. Back to sleep. BEEP. One eye opens, easily fall back asleep, even catch a few remnants of the same dream. BEEP. Both eyes open now, but still no real worries, sleep again... BEEP. Now the dogs have begun to stir. I turn over, my arm goes over my ear and sleep... beep. (this time a little more muffled, but the arm is not completely working, besides that does not prevent the dogs from noticing). Miriam raises her head and looks at me like, aren't you going to do something about this? Seriously, that is the look she gave me. So I turn over look at the corner and wait... BEEP. But which is it, I still have no clue--the CO detector or the smoke alarm? BEEP. It is getting more persistent and more demanding now... BEEP. Okay, I am getting up. I throw the covers off. Burrrrrrrr. The windows are open and out of the covers is cold, so very cold. BEEP. Dragging the piano bench over now. Still don't know which one it is. BEEP. I think I know the who the culprit is. I remove the Smoke alarm and shove it under the sofa cushions to be dealt with later. All seems quiet. I crawl back in bed, oh how warm. Dogs get to resettle in their warm places. Ready for a little more sleep before facing the day... BEEEEEPPPPP. I chose poorly. It was not the smoke alarm, it was the CO detector. Back out into the cold, back up onto the piano bench (balance please), CO detector down, and it is now resting beside the Smoke alarm under the sofa cushions, back to bed, dogs back by my side. Sleep, Dream. ALARM CLOCK...

2008-09-17T14:33:00.003-05:00

I'm Trying a 20 Random Thoughts Blog

1. Trains are noisy, but sure create a lovely breeze through the open window.
2. I still miss my parents when they go out of town.
3. Honey is the best thing ever invented for biscuits.
4. Fall is the best time to go camping.
5. Coffee is a crutch for the sleep deprived. A lovely crutch that I just couldn't do without...
6. I'm thirsty, but not for coffee.
7. I still like my job, even during stressful times.
8. The clock radio on my desk radomly jumps time so even though it is technically 2:37 pm, it says 6:44 no 6:49 no 6:57pm... Does that mean I get to go home?
9. Trips to new places on my horizon is getting me excited.
10. I painted my fingernails last night and still struggle with the fact that my mother didn't think red is an appropriate color for young ladies (at 32, am I old enough to wear read or will that always be off limits?)
11. Lemon flavored toothpaste is just weird, so why do I keep buying it.
12. My neice Lily is most likely the cutest little girl in the entire world (no, I am not biased).
13. Finding shapes in clouds should be practiced at least 6 to 8 times a year. The one outside my window started out heart shaped and now has morphed into a frog with big eyes.
14. There is a cost to keeping the windows open on this beautiful day, a gigantic fly just made his way into the office.
15. Will I still have a retirement account by next year?
16. The new show Fringe--loving it, though the beginning... gross.
17. I don't think I am a very good gift giver.
18. When I get into the habit, I am still technically a morning person. Does that make me crazy?
19. I am running out of random thoughts.
20. It doesn't really matter because I made it all the way to 20...

Oh and just a side note, my computer now say it is 2:53 pm and my clock radio is working on 10:09 pm.

2008-09-12T08:38:00.009-05:00

Life is Good vs. Life is... God

As you may or may not realize, I have a Life is Good sticker on the back of my car (two of them as a matter of fact). I also have a Life is Good t-shirt, pajama pants, shorts, backpack, yoga bag... I think that you are getting the idea. I think that Jake (the little smiley guy at the top) goes right along with the optimistic, positive attitude that I like to maintain. What the company represents is also good. American ideals and all that--starting something from nothing (a t-shirt business in the back of a van when they stumbled on Jake) and now that they have made it, they are giving back (supporting festivals that give 100% of profits to kids' charities). I have been more than a little impressed with the merchandise, but I am floored by the caretaking attitude of the company.

That being said, I saw a bumper sticker the other day that was an obvious copy, a plagerism, of "Life is Good." The logo was almost exactly like that above except it said "Life is... God." This, of course, is not the only example of Christain things adopting logos of worldly things and changing it for themselves. I did a search on Google Images for Christian t shirts and on the first page along was the "HisWay" for "Subway," "He Saves" for "Hershey," and "Got Jesus?" for "Got Milk?" Can I be opinionated for a little bit? These things bother me. And let me make this very clear, I am a Christian and it still bothers me. The "Life is... God" especially bothered me and I can't exactly place my finger on why. Maybe because I would never wear a Subway shirt, but I definately would wear Life is Good appearal What it seems to boil down to is this... Can we not be original. We (Christians) are transformed by the renewing of Christ Jesus and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in our hearts? Can we not come up with better ways to declare this transformation to the world that meager copies of everyday slogans. These overused slogans seem to make a joke of something I hold dear. Another example of a poor excuse for "evangelism." All the declaration, non of the actual work to develop relationships and meet needs of the person where they are. Why aren't we better at being different from the world? Why aren't we better at showing the joy that is ours? If you're happy and you know, than your face will surely show it... right?

"And we, ...are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthian 3:18, NIV

Just my deep thoughts for today.

2008-09-11T09:39:00.003-05:00

Back to the Full Moon Ride

One of my first posts was about my friend, the avid cyclist, going on a full moon ride. I was reminded of that post yesterday while riding down West End when I was pasting a different cyclist. Before, my confusion was based on the fact that the full moon ride was done by the light of the full moon, not cyclist riding around with their rears showing. Yesterday there was no confusion. Let me explain... and I just might say something potentially negative, and a little bit judgy (but definately funny), so get ready. I don't care if they are your favorite bike shorts and you wear them every time you ride. I don't care that leopard print undies are your choice of panty. BUT... if your bike shorts are so worn out that I see the leopard print undies, it is time for a shopping trip...

I ended up laughing so hard. What a great rendition fo the full moon ride!

2008-09-09T10:23:00.003-05:00

Not Just Office Supplies

Well, I have already confessed my love of office supplies and my inablility to go into a Staples of Office Depot without feeling slightly light headed and giddy. I am beginning to realize that it is all gadgets that make life easier that has an attraction for me. As acting Office Manager/Purchasing Agent at work now, I get to look through these catelogs that come in. We are talking industrial supply catelogs and I am fascinated. It is true that some things hold very little interest for me. Drill bits. Big flipping deal. I have seen drill bit before and I really have all the drill bits that I need, so I can pass those up with no issues at all. The pages I end up stopping at... Safety glasses. Flashlights. Anti-fatigue mats. Brooms and dust mops for goodness sake. Magnetic based trays. (Doesn't that just sound handy for a clutz like me... I knock over the try, but all the metal thingys stay in place!--the problem is that not all I work with is metal). Even the page with the industrial pedestal fans holds appeal for me. And who wouldn't want a full set of clamps and vises? And last but not least (in this particular catelog at least) is the Deburring Set.

There is a theme. Can you guess it? Hmmm... All these items that get my fancy can be used in my stained glass projects (except perhaps the flashlights--I just think flashlights are so cool. It dates back to the days of flashlight chase on the ceiling of the tent at girl scout camp, or playing ghost in the graveyard at church camp. That might be a separate blog entry). Oh dear, just what I need, another gadget obsession...

2008-09-03T13:51:00.002-05:00

Ironies Galore

I feel like humming the song "Isn't it Ironic". A couple of weeks ago I got a speeding ticket. One of the comments that I made ot anyone who would listen was something along the lines that I don't think a road six lanes across should be 35 m.p.h. This is the funny part... Less than two weeks after I was pulled over and given my ticket... Less than three day after I did my online defensive driving course... the speed limit went up to 40. Of course, I was still speeding a little bit (45 or 46, something like that), but would I still have been pulled over going only 5 over?

It's like ra-ee-ain...

2008-07-02T08:49:00.002-05:00

And Before My Coffee Too...

This morning I was running ahead of schedule. Not surprising since last night I took a 2 hour nap, a bath and then went back to bed. So, this morning I decided to go to McDonalds on my way to work. Mmmmm... Vanilla Iced Coffee, perfect on this a July morning to get my over tired body to work. So, I am happily sitting in the drive-thru and BAM! The lady behind me thought the line was moving faster than it actually was. That's right she hit my beautiful little car. So I climb out to access the damage. Her car is still up against my car. She backs up a little and then gets out of her car so we can see the damage. And *sigh of relief* no damage is done, except my license plate is a little bent. We were so relieved to see that both cars looked great that we hugged. That's right I hugged a complete stranger in the middle of the drive-thru line at McDonalds, got back in my car, pulled forward and placed my order. What a morning!

2008-06-19T09:34:00.002-05:00

Not Just Hammer, But the Other Tools from the Toolshed Too!

Okay, so it is more that just hammers that wish to stalk me. I am being followed by other tools too. Just last night on my way home from choir a ladder jumped off the truck two cars ahead of me and into the road. I definately did not imagine this one. The poor car in front of me plowed right into the ladder. It was the strange noise of tires clanking over ladder that clued me in, allowing me a chance to swerve out of the way just in time.

Of course this got me thinking. Yes, I do tend to let my mind drift from time to time about things that amust me. This time I started thinking about all the interesting things that I have spotted on the side of the road. There have been couches, and chairs, and tables... Let's just say there is a furniture category. There is definately a tool category--not only the recent spottings of hammers and a ladder, but I have seen various screwdrivers, shovels, and even a power drill once. The gross category has to be included in the list--dead animals. The most interesting (or most gross, however you want to look at it) would be the deer that was off the road just enough that you could observe the process of the buzzards picking that thing clean in a matter of 2 or 3 days. The category that always gets me worried--the live animals wondering by the side of the road. I have had to resist the urge to take more than one or two stray dogs home. Then there is the plant category--you may be shocked to hear this, but I absolutely love the wildflowers that grow on the side of the road. This would be the absolute best roadside decoration. Somewhat disappointing is the fact that I have not seen the red poppies on the by-pass this year. Where are they?

2008-06-13T15:31:00.004-05:00

Athletic? Nah!

But I am definately becoming one of those people. I actually went online this week looking for a race that I could do. Something that could motivate me to keep up with the jogging, keep improving my time, and most importantly, to keep me in shape. I don't like the training part. I am not one of those crazy people who likes to jog all the time. I don't miss it when I skip it. But I do like the races. Does that make me an exhibitionist (only liking to do it when others are watching)? Hmmmm. I guess I will have to think about that one. So I am glancing through some possibilities for races and realized that I still haven't done a 5K. The shortest that I have done is a 10K. I started big--my first being a 1/2 marathon. Does that mean I was looking for a 5K--no, I ended up signing up for a 15K. And how is this for motivation--I have to complete the 9.3 in less than two hours--that's at least 5 miles per hour, meaning, no walking for me. This is a big step for me. I will really be pushing myself to train for this one. Now for the part that really cracks me up. Without making any confessions, they have a category to enter that is up my alley. The Athena Category--it ain't for the skinny chicks with 0% body fat that is for sure...

2008-06-12T10:43:00.002-05:00

Payroll, That's What Killed Me

If I turn up mysteriously dead in the next 24 to 48 hours, please know that it is payroll that did it. Have it arrested, thrown in jail, but be warned it is a tricky, tricky, sneaky little booger. When you think you have it figured out, when you are convinced that you have all the bugs worked out of the system, when you know in your heart of hearts that certain procedures performed in specific order give the desired result... it will throw you for a loop. This week it decided that the categories on the checks instead of reading "regular, overtime, doubletime, and vacation" decided instead that "NOT ON FILE" for each of those would be more appropriate. Yes the number of hours are correct. The amounts in those categories are impecable. We just don't know the name of the category. It is a small miracle that the hours did go into the correct amount for taxes and I was able to pull up the correct report quickly to reassure my boss that they were correct. He was toying with the idea of voiding all the checks and reissuing them (NO, NO, NO, pleeeeaaaassssse, NO). Whew!!!! That crisis is averted, but now I have to figure out how to solve this problem before Monday when checks are run again. This is not even talking about the fact that we now have new payroll checks that have come in and that the columns and categories is have to be re-set again to fit these checks. Quitting is not an option as I kinda need this job. What do you think is the likelihood that the other employees will work for free? I will have to send a memo down to the shop, but I am sure that they will be happy to accomodate, right???? Maybe not.

2008-05-26T23:05:00.003-05:00

My Love for a Munchkin Named Lily

She is the most precocious and precious 2 year old you would ever meet. She is my niece Lily. She is beautiful. She is becoming her own person with her own unique personality. We had a conversation today. She told everyone that "Mom and Jill are running in the Bolder Boulder." Although it wasn't said with that much clarity or concise speech. It was more of a "mom and jiw run in bower bower." But when she realized that it would make us laugh, she was so proud of herself and then would repeat it at random intervals through out the day. She really does have a good sense of comedic timing (It doesn't hurt that Aunt Jill loves to laugh). Then, just ask her about camping. Do you like camping Lily? Uh huh. By the way we had to leave the camp site at 6AM because she did not sleep well at all that night and would not stop crying, but even through the tears she does like camping. (Of course, she actually had a great time up until the time that the temperature dropped to about 30 degrees--for that matter, my enthusiam for the camping excursion was dropping by that point as well.) But tonight we did a little bit of indoor camping. She has this cute, cute, cute butterfly tent (strictly for indoor use). She would crawl in then tell poke her head out at me and say "let's go, jiw" (did I tell you that this all started when she woke up from her nap and said "I want jiw"--I so love this kid). So we would get in the tent--she would then take off her "pack pack" (backpack) where barbie was stashed, next would come the order to zip up (meaning the tent flap), inevitably she would open the pack pack and say "hello barbie" and then request a zip up of the pack pack. The next was one of two options-- woooaaa or shake it. Woooaaa consisted of her sitting on one side of the tent, me on the other leaning back and forth saying (can you guess... wait for it...) "wooooaaaa." Upstairs Craig and Rhonda weren't sure if she was crying until she would bust out into a crazy loud super fantastic giggle (she has one dimple, too cute). Shake it consistend of her standing in the middle of the tent (please keep in mind that the tent is maybe 4'x4'--great for a 2 year old but not so roomy for a grown up) and we would shake the side of the tent also ending inthat crazy loud super fantastic giggle of hers. The the normal routine would be a request for help in putting the pack pack back on, then she would crawl out of the tent poke her head back in and say "let's go", I would crawl out follow her around the pool table and repeat the entire process from the beginning. This only stopped because dinner was ready and resumed immediately afterwards.

The plan tomorrow... I get her all day to myself. Craig and Rhonda both have to work. We will truck on down to the park for some fabulous playtime. I don't think I have expressed it enough, this kiddo has my heart. She is the best super-kid in the world and she is only two (it can only get better because I hear the twos are terrible).

2008-05-23T10:04:00.002-05:00

New Phone

I ordered myself a new phone this week. I guess that I am very important and everyone wants to talk to me, because my phone has been ringing off the hook (do cell phones have a hook?, do phones in general have a hook anymore?) So for the 2nd month in a row, I have exceeded my minutes--and I was oh so careful this last month (using my home phone whenever possible, waiting until 9:00 to make other calls). The problem: 1. Well, I should probably stop calling people so much. 2. Client's have been picking up--I use my current number for them to call and call them from this cell phone (leaving me a voice message at a place I go for maybe 15 minutes once a week just doesn't work). 3. It seems that no one I know, except maybe mom, dad, and my aunt have AT&T anymore (I am talking mainly about my friend CG--you have abandoned me to join with your husband's cell network, what's up with that? *she said with a sarcastic smirk*). So I deliberated, and I deliberated, and then I did some research (of course) and then I thought about it some more. Strangely enough, it works out as cheaper to get a second cell phone with a different company than to add more minutes and another line to my current plan (actually it would be about the same price--but that still wouldn't help with the CG issue as she also has to really watch her minutes too). Again I ask, what's up with that? Of course, AT&T doesn't really care what I do because they have me locked into a 2 year contract. I am free to roam about the country and other cell phone companies as long as I keep my current cell phone with them.

2008-05-20T09:43:00.003-05:00

I Noticed It One Day Too Late

Strange blog post here, but yesterday I noticed that the anniversary of my divorce had passed by and it hadn't even registered with me. It was only when I went to work on monday and noticed the date on the calendar that I started thinking, "hmm, wasn't it this time last year..." This year the day couldn't be any different. Last year was a dark day (not literally as the sun was shining bright). Not only did my divorce go through, but I was stuck in a training--Grief after Trauma. In this training (as if talking about grief and trauma for 2 days isn't bad enough by itself) they showed a video about a church shooting that happened in Fort Worth, Texas in September 1999. Yes, for those who know me and are doing the math, I was in Fort Worth at the time of the Wedgewood Baptist Church shooting. A man walked into a See You At the Pole Rally and shot into a group of teenagers, killing seven before killing himself. (Thank God he was horrible at making pipe bombs or this would have been even worse). This was during my first semester of practicum and I led one of the many debriefing groups later in the week--my first ever therapy session (trial by fire). There were seminarians there that were also wounded or killed. This was my divorce day last year. The end of a marriage and a reminder of a very real tragedy. I remember last year driving from the training center to home trying so hard to keep it together, not succeeding at all. So I changed course slightly drove straight to my parent house and just cried while my parents held me. I am so thankful for my family. I am so glad that I came back home to live before all of this happened.

So... This year. Again, totally different from last year. I went to church (always a place of healing for me), I sat next to my friend--flower goddess, enjoying an occassional laugh (or two or three--do we ever stop laughing), playing handbells (enjoying the last of the season--ready for summer break), watching graduating seniors be recognized (some that I have worked with for the past three years). After church I had lunch with another friend and then met yet another dear one at the park for a little bit. It was almost as if God was saying, "When you remember what the day is, I want you to know that you were well provided for, that there were friends to be there for you, but I will protect you from actually needing their shoulder." What a difference a year makes. When I did finally sit down and remembered what Sunday was, I did shed a few tears (it was inevitable). Not many tears though, healing is such a beautiful thing, sometimes it seems so stinking slow in coming, stuck somewhere along the way. And sometimes, it can take you by surprise, not even realizing how far you have come. What a great day.

2008-05-16T15:37:00.002-05:00

Kids and their Wishes

I didn't experience this story first hand, but it was really cute and I have permission to blog it. My friend Amy took her son to Disney World last week. They had a great time and Spencer a.k.a. Spider Man was a trooper. He was not one of the screaming/crying kids. He wasn't too tired or too hot. He was not demanding or irritating, but truly a superhero.

So, the cute part. They went on the "It's a Small World" ride. Toward the end there is a place to throw a penny and make a wish. First cute thing, he had to think and then ask about this whole wishing thing. Amy explained to him that a wish is something that a person really, really wants to have happen and the penny sometimes helps that come true. So Spencer closed his eyes up tight and thought really hard and then threw in his penny. Amy didn't ask and Spencer didn't tell. Well, that is where the second cute thing happens... As I understand it, a couple of hours later, Spencer looks up at Amy with a serious expression on his face and asks, "When am I going to turn into Spider Man?"

So make a wish, you just might get to be a superhero.

2008-05-08T17:35:00.002-05:00

I Don't Think It Could be any More Unlucky

That would be my day. Not a horrible day, but things have been happening to me today that are just plain annoying. I do have a blog though, this means I get to vent here...

Started off this morning with the light bulb in my bathroom going out. No problem I get a new bulb and drag the piano bench into the bathroom, remove the glass globe, go to unscrew the light bulb. That is when the unlucky part started, the light bulb shatters. That is right, I am looking at the light bulb directly above my head while still barefooted and in pajamas and it shatters. The amazing part--none of the glass got in my eyes, I wasn't cut at all. The dilemna--I am in my barefeet and surrounded by broken glass. I manage to gingerly walk to the closet avoiding all glass and get some shoes on and sweep up the glass. I still have the task ahead of me of getting the rest of the bulb out of the fixture (maybe I should wait until my luck turns).

Next stop on my way to work was to grab a breakfast burrito from Sonic. I do believe that they pour grease to the burrito because 5 bites into it, I have grease dripping from my hand onto the front of my dress. (Ladies you can sympathize I am sure). But I have had a great big grease spot on my right boob all day long. Need I remind you I work with ALL men and one woman (and she happens to be on vacation this week). So I go into the bathroom first thing and I try to wash this spot out. IT DIDN'T WORK, it just gave me a wet boob for the first 30 minutes of work. So I spent most of my day trying to cover up my boob, without being obvious about trying to cover up my boob. Everyone was a gentleman and I could tell that they were trying not to look, but oh my goodness.

Next is the simple fact that it was a crazy busy day. There were shipping orders to process (and Oh, by the way the truck is waiting in the parking lot). There were labels to print (of course I can't do anything else while printing labels as I have to sit with my hand in the print and manually feed each and every one). There were requisistions to get approved and sent off (would it be too much to ask that the entries in the roladex reflect the companies current name and not who owned them 15 years ago). Lots to do, but there is a steady flow and a rhythm that I am getting into with this. As I am feeling good about getting so much accomplished and I am patting myself on the back for keeping caught up... a problem was discovered in payroll. The checks had mis-fed 1/2 through and was off by a line (only one l line!!!!). This wouldn't have been that big of a deal except that it was the heading of the next check on the bottom of the previous check--this means that someone else's name, SS#, and pay-rate on the bottom of the previous check. This was discovered a 1:45. They pick up their checks at 2:30. I had to void out the checks and re-issue them.

There is more. Oh, there is more, but right now I am looking forward to a long walk and maybe some icecream later. Whew. What a Day!

2008-04-30T09:05:00.002-05:00

Now I Worry I am Insane, or Being Stalked--the Hammer Reappears

I saw another hammer today. Was it the same one? I have no idea. The problem with seeing the hammer, it was in a completely different place on my commute. Yesterday's hammer was on I-65, today's hammer was at the beginning of the by-pass in Gallatin. I nearly ran right over it. So either I am hallucinating, or this hammer is following me, or I am the victim of a very strange coincidence...

(side note--I know that I am not hallucinating today as other cars also served to miss the thing so that leaved stalking or coincidence)

2008-04-29T14:27:00.003-05:00

Another Strange Sighting on my Commute to Work

This will be a very short post, but I nearly ran over a brand new hammer today on I-65. I could tell it was brand new because it still had the wrapper/tag around the handle. So my question is, how did a new hammer get onto the interstate? I can see someone putting it on top of the roof of their car and driving off, but this was the place where Vietnam Veterans By-Pass merges onto 65. Does that mean that the hammer stayed on the car at least since the last exit back, which would mean that it traveled successfully on the roof all the way through Rivergate (my speculation is from Home Depot or Walmart)? Or, did someone just decide to throw a brand new hammer out the window on a whim? And if that is the case, was it because of road rage or because of buyers remorse, deciding "no, I don't think I will hang that picture after all today, so I don't need this"?

Yes, this is my normal train of thought when I am driving by myself and not carpooling to work. A little strange, a lot random, and totally fun.

2008-04-28T09:36:00.003-05:00

Lessons Learned from the 1/2

So this is a post about things that they don't tell you in the handy-dandy literature before running a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles for those that don't know).

1. Bring your own toilet paper (and possibly germ-x). I did luck out as the person beside me in line did think to bring a roll and was generous enough to share. But that many people, the two rolls originally in the porta-pottys were long since gone. The one porta-potty I stopped at along the way was not much better. Enough said on this one.

2. Sunscreen doesn't last. I used sunscreen, I promise--the waterproof, sweatproof kind. But I also applied it before I checked my gear, which was then bused to the finish line, to be seen several hours later. Of course at the beginning of the race it was raining and cloud covered. It was toward the end of the race that the sun came out--you know the time when the sunscreen was gone. I'm still not sure that I would have carried the stuff around with me though or taken the time to put it on.

3. Rain, Rain, Go away. When it is raining, runners will do strange things. I saw one man with a garbage bag over him--I couldn't tell if he was wearing any clothes as he was wearing short-shorts. And he had those hotel laundry bags over his shoes. I was happy to have brought along my poncho, which I ditched at the starting line a long with many other poncho's, trash bags and interesting toss-asides.

4. Marathons are trashy. My goodness there were so many things just thrown on the ground. Powerbar gel packets, Power beans wrappers. Don't even get me started on the cups thrown down at the water stations. This trashiness is of course including the disgarded trash bags and ponchos (see point #3).

5. Powerbar gel is disgusting. Just what I thought it would be. Thick goo. The flavor I happened to pick up--double latte. The flavor was as it said, it tasted like a latte. I don't drink coffee when I am running. And the goo texture. My goodness, it is reminescent of the stuff I would periodically clear out of my drain. If I didn't need that shot of energy or have water immediately afterward to wash it down, I don't think the goo would have been stomached.

6. Water stations are hazardous (esp. when further back with the walkers). I would be trucking along nicely and all of a sudden a walker would step in front of me and come to a near stop. I didn't, but I was so tempted to pour Accelerade down more than one person's back. Then going back to point #3 again all the cups that were thrown aside by earlier runners were slick. One had to tread carefully. I learned early on that the water stations were a good time to slow to a walk. This gave me a chance to rest (relatively speaking), dodge the slower walkers, I was able to navigate the slicker terraine and I was able to drink my Accelerade without choking myself on it.

7. There is nothing like see that finish line for motivation. I was exausted. I was tired, I had jogged a race that I had trained myself to walk. But I rounded the corner and I saw that yellow banner and I ran. I heard my Mom and Dad cheering me on. Racers that had finished already were cheering me on and I ran. I went from thinking I had no energy left to feeling like I should have done the whole thing. (And no, I am no longer crazy enough to think that the whole marathon is for me).

8. And if seeing the finish line is motivation, crossing the finish line is even better. I had been meditating on my favorite passage from Hebrews the entire race. "Since we are surrounded by such a great a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and run the race with perserverence, fixing our eye on Jesus the author and perfector of our faith ..." I had thrown off my poncho, I had been freed from things that weighed me down and I ran the race. The real life lessons hit home as I crossed the finish line, having run the race alone, but with family and friends there cheering me on, keeping me going. I wept. I cried at the beauty that was the race, it was a cathartic moment. I released emotions that were dormant at the fact that I was free to pursue this goal and this dream without someone that had discouraged me from doing it last year. This was what I had trained for and it was worth it.

2008-04-23T12:42:00.003-05:00

Happy Administrative Assitance's Day to Me

Today, apparently, is Administrative Assitance's Day, or so I've been told. Oh, I believe my office manager when she tells me that, I am just getting some kicks and giggles about the tradition they have here at my work for celebrating it. They treated me to lunch at Logan's. Yummy, Yummy Filet. Tasty, Tasty Sweet Potato. Fluffy rolls. What more could a girl wish for...

Here's the rub, they didn't take me to lunch (or bettter yet a gift card), they gave me their take out orders for lunch and added me to the bill. I got the happy priviledge (on the Office Manager's orders) of walking into the bosses' office and saying "Today is Secretary's Day, what would you like from Logan's?" I am not big on celebrating these strange, made up holidays, but if they are going to celebrate it, should I be the one walking into their office to remind them of it. The Logan's lunch is actually something that they have done for the past 10 years or so. They didn't question me coming in and saying this, they just put their order in. One, only one, actually said, "Oh yeah, happy secretary's day." When I laughed, he said "no seriously, I do appreciate all you do." So after I got all the orders together--6 including mine, I call in the order, then I go pick up the order, then I give out all the food, THEN I eat my steak.

I really like Logan's (even through I rarely get steak). As I said, not really an important holiday to me, and I wouldn't have even known it was AA Day if not for the Office Manager. So, why does it bother me that I had to get the food? This is not an abnormal errand for me. I get lunch nearly everyday for these managers. I guess, if it is the thought that counts, did they really have a thought to count? Oh well, Happy AA day to you!!!

2008-04-18T14:50:00.002-05:00

Plumber??

Just a really quick blog to share a funny story. I was taking my boss to pick up his car after he got it serviced when we come up to a stop sign. Directly across the street was a sign that said, "Elect Howdie Doodie as your new plumber." I am sitting in my car, with my boss (Mr. Not-So-Funny), trying not to laugh out loud as I think to myself, if I have to say Howdie to my Doodie, you better believe I am getting a new plumber.

2008-04-17T12:45:00.002-05:00

Level 8

That's right, I am now officially an 8. I have reached level 8 pioneer status on the Oregon Trail. This is not some super great feat as there are many levels higher than 8, but I have been a 7 for so long that it really feels great to make it to the next step up. This is a proud moment in my life. (Hee Hee Hee). For the last two treks up the trail that I have made, no one has died, I did not run out of money (and didn't even have to steal something), it was smooth sailing, almost boring.

Let me ask you this... I figured out a trick. Completely by accident. But here it is the trick, if I get a broken wheel, I don't necessarily have to pay to repair it. There is a glitch in the system. If I go to check my inbox or my homepage or any other facebook option, then come back to Oregon Trail, it has forgotten that my wagon wheel was broken in the first place and I can just keep on trucking. I discovered this simply by accident because one day I had something like $135 in my account, I was so close to Oregon City, I had just recently been killed in my last theivery attempt, so my thinking was "I will just wait until tomorrow, this way I will earn more money for that day, repair my wheel and just keep trucking." When I went back the next day, the wagon wheel was fine, no repairs were needed. I made it to Oregon City and had no other mishaps. So I had to see, is it waiting a day? Or is it just going and coming back? Yeah, it is just going and coming back. That is all it takes, there doesn't even have to be a significant pause in between the going and coming back. So this is the question (yes, I did say "let me ask you this")... Is it cheating to take advantage of a glitch in the system? I have gone and come back for experimental purposes, but now that is over, should I be scrupulously honest and pay for all future repairs, or take advantage until the loop hole is closed? A moral dilemna for you to chew on today...

2008-04-11T08:38:00.002-05:00

Mary (and other various commuters that I have made up names for)

There are certain recogonizable cars on my commute into work. I don't get to see them everyday, but I am always thrilled when I do. Today's commute was happiness itself because I saw Mary. Now, grant it, I have no idea if her name is Mary, this is just the name that I have given her. She has 10 bazillion (slight exaggeration) little stuffed lambs in her back window. This actually has more to do with Psalm 23 (it only takes one glance at her license tag frame to know that) than with Mary had a Little Lamb. But really, is that supposed to matter to me? Its like winning the commute-to-work-lottery to get to see Mary. There are a few other cars that are recognizable and that I will keep an eye out for, but no one brings a smile to my face like Mary. There is the Life is Good car--it has just as much "Life is Good" stickers on it as my car does. When I pass him I am thinking to myself "indeed, life is good." There is Soccor mom, but she must be seen before the turn off to Pope John Paul High School. I could go on....

2008-04-09T09:24:00.003-05:00

Spring is Finally Here

I know technically it has been here for a while, first day of spring and all that already has happened. But it hasn't counted until now. Not for me at least. Now I can say it is spring because several things happened together. Yes, the spring rains have been here. Yes, things are starting to bud out of trees. I have seen the buttercups and tulips. But it really has been a tease. It was a fake out. The real thing was yet to come. But here is the kicker. Here is why it is officially spring... Not only did I get to wear sandals yesterday, but I slept with my window open. (for those worried about my safety in announcing on the internet that I sleep with my windows open--I would just love to see someone crawl through the ten feet of bushes, give or take a few millimeters, and see how well Miriam, you know, the grouchy dog, greets them). I woke up this morning to birds singing outside my window. What a glorious way to wake up in the morning. My house is full of fresh air. The rain doesn't even phase me today. I am in a happy spring mood. The world has turned green again.

2008-04-04T15:38:00.004-06:00

Confessions of a Staple Freak

Today I have made a deep self discovery. I love staples. It is a fabulous invention to hold papers together. Now, I take this love to a deep and disturbing level when I say that I am obsessed with staples. This is not the store, this is the small little metal thingys that you would put into a stapler and bind together papers. I seem to be in constant search for the perfect stable. This may tell you all about my exciting life, but I probably spent at least 3 minutes to get a stable to go through this gigantic stack of papers for this particular invoice. Finally I got it to go through with out bending and crumpeling the staple on top of the paper. What does it tell you about me, I was still bothered, the staple was in backwards. From back to front. This only spurred my on to further staple perfection, wanting to get the staple perfectly through this stack of papers from front to back. Yes, I know, a little crazy, more than slightly obsessive. But that is just it, I am a staple freak. Here is where it goes even further--I spent all that time on a staple that I will remove when the invoice is paid and filed (probably within the week).

That is another stable obsession of mine. I am a purest. Only one staple in a bundle of papers. This whole idea of adding one page and stabling it to the bundle while leaving the other stable in, why would you do such a thing? It just makes it gunky. Again, I know, a little crazy, more than slightly obsessive. The only better invention as far as I am concerned at the present moment than staples/stapler, would be the stable remover. You know, it looks like a snake and it bites the staples from the page. Great stuff. And just a little bit more FYI--there always seems to be bent up mangled staples that have been removed around or under my desk. But the filing cabinet--not full of useless over stapled papers, that I can guarantee.

2008-03-31T15:21:00.002-06:00

I Waged War with Fur

My big plan this last weekend was to work in the yard. I love playing in the dirt. This time of year is always fascinates me, the buds on the trees, my roses starting to show growth. Even my peony bush is starting to sprout. The problem was Saturday was not good "get out in the yard" weather. By the time I realized it, I was already in my work clothes. So, what do I do???, I tackle the attic. Yes, that's right the place that I go only twice a year, maybe. Old text books, Christmas decorations, and camping supplies were not so neatly arranged. Now, they are beautifully arranged. Not to mention, nicely boxed up and ready for pick up are some of the ex's old books. (maybe I can get my dad to help me bring them down, so that ex doesn't have to come into the house.

Well, when I was finished in the attic, I still had energy left, so I takled the front bedroom. I had a lot of stuff just dumped in here when I closed my private practice. You can now walk in. Then it just turned into a major spring cleaning project... I am happy to report that underneath my bed (as of Saturday) was completely de-furred, and under the treadmill, and under the chest of drawers, and under the piano, you get the idea. I think that there is a fur magnet under these things. I have never seen so much fur in my life that wasn't attached to my dog. As a matter of fact I don't know that I have even seen that much fur attached to my dog. This is a disaster. I have always considered myself a bit of a neat freak and the fur was taking over.

2008-03-27T12:29:00.002-06:00

Oh, the Lies they Tell

Sales people crack me up. I have to say. I work for a small company and there are a lot of calls for the President/Owner of the company. This President is a Junior, so he does not go by his first name. But so often I get calls for Orville. I know that these are cold calls, because he would have told them the appropriate name to call him if they have ever dealt with him before. Policy is to put them on hold (and leave them there) or wait 1/2 minute, tell them he is unavailable and then offer to take a message (not that they have ever left a message). These sales people are slick though. I have had people tell me that they are just returning Orville's call. I have had people pretend that they are trying to bring us customers (but would refuse to talk to the guy that actually deals with and gives quotes to customers). And just today I answer the phone and chicky goes. "Oh, I am soooooooo sorry, I meant to call Orville at his home number. Well, since I called, is he available." AS IF PRETENDING YOU HAVE HIS HOME NUMBER WILL WORK. Trust me, if she knew his home number she would know his name. Seriously, does this work with some people?

2008-03-27T08:43:00.002-06:00

Shushed

I was shushed last night in choir. Grant it, I was laughing--a lot, and I was laughing loudly, but shushed? Really, are we really still in elementary school/middle school mode? Okay so I am not a rule follower when it comes to choir. I like to talk and socialize, sometimes it being the only time during the week that I can see certain people.

The reason I was laughing. 1. We are singing a song where the melody is straight from Jurassic Park (or did Jurassic Park steal the melody from this anthem--chicken or egg?). Seriously, the men are singing and flower goddess asks me what is this from, its a movie. So we are sitting there happily humming and trying to figure it out (even now, I have started humming the theme merrily to myself--please no co-workers walk in). Jurassic Park. I have to watch those movies again. They have action, adventure, pretty scenery, dinosaurs, sci-fi, all good stuff (this is one instance where I actually like the movie better than the books). Okay back to why we were laughing. 2. Hymns. Not normally funny, but we always run hymn at the beginning of rehearsal. Not a big fan of this. And they just drag on forever (so it seems). FG (flower goddess) drew a lovely picture of herself during this time, stabbing herself in the boob (well, just stabbing herself, but it looked like it was aimed for the boob--that was the funny part). 3. From Brahams Requim--"How Lovely is thy Dwelling Place". I thought how fun it would be to change out "Lovely" with "Super". 4. ... Oh, there are so many things that we found funny that I would just have to say the dreaded phrase "you would just have to be there." So, I'm not going to tell you.

So, lets just say, I was laughing all throughout choir practice. Since, I love to laugh and would rather be doing that than anything else, I thought it was an evening well spent--a little bit of song, a little bit of laughter. Problem comes when there are people in the world that do not love laughing as much as I do. Is is possible? Can it be? Yes, there are serious people in the world, and God bless them, that don't make it their goal in life to laugh out loud at least 5 times a day. Try it sometime, I bet life turns out looking a little bit more like roses.

2008-03-25T09:04:00.002-06:00

A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Okay, I know that I have a tendency for my mind to slip into the gutter--daily. Though I am not a fan of crude humor, there are things in life that strike me as hilarious. And bodily functions are funny. Sadly enough you should hear some of the things I say, and laugh at, while doing flower arrangements for church. There are conversations about sticking it places and trying to get it to stay up. Everything sounds dirty by the time I am finished with the arrangement, esp. when working with flower goddess.

That being said, who names their company "Self Lube." Seriously, my boss just got a call from Self Lube to talk about her lubricating needs. Yes, there is a company that expects its employees to make sales calls and say "this is 'so and so' from self lube." And I work with mainly men--I can only imagine that their minds are slightly dirtier than mine. Poor Jody, I don't know if I can keep from laughing when she calls back. Thank goodness there was no message.

2008-03-24T15:00:00.002-06:00

1/2 Marathon, I think I must be Crazy

Yes, I have been training myself for the 1/2 marathon. There are very few people that I told, you know just in case. And I purposefully didn't sign up for the marathon because one of two things might have happened. 1. I would have been physically incapable of completing 13 miles with my arthritic knee and in that case would have spent the entry fee in vain, or 2. The Marathon would have already been full and I would have lost motivation. So I decided to wait until I hit 11 miles. I figured that this would be close enough that I could fake the last two miles. Not necessary. Last night was a personal triumph for me. I not only got to 11 miles, but when I got there, I just kept going. Now grant it, my last 1.5 miles was slow, and difficult, but I did the full 13.1 miles, mostly walking (with some jogging--not too much, remember the knee).

What an amazing feeling to sign up for the 1/2 marathon. That's a very good thing.

2008-03-20T21:13:00.003-06:00

Nothing New Under the Sun

I'm feeling very introspective today(Warning... I feel a random thought blog coming on with tangents and off shoots galore!!!). Not entirely sure why. It could do with the holiday, it could do with baby sitting at the group home I work at on weekends, it could be feeling very high-schoolish again and having a crush on a boy, it could be the friend facing a loss. Whatever the cause, I am contemplating Ecclesiates. No, I don't normally contemplate random books of the Bible (I am currently reading in the New Testament and usually focus on what I am reading). A friend was talking to me about happiness. You know that fleeting elusive feeling of well being. It is odd, because I was also just reading a Reader's Digest article about how to increase your happiness. (That is a blog in and of itself--suffice it to say that my mom sends me the Reader's Digest every year, I love the jokes, and yes that article was like from two months ago, what can I say, I'm behind). So, I am contemplating my life and the unexpected turns that I have taken and I realize that my story is not new. It is no where near new. There is nothing new under the sun. Now before you start feeling sorry for me that I am not a unique individual (all to American obsession), this was a comfort. I am not in uncharted waters. Maybe for me, but not for the world (and dare I say, not for God). So, the question came up... Am I happy? Yes, I am. Am I happier now? Yes, I am. I am a different person now than I was then. I wish great things for those around me and hope to bring out the best in others. I make it my goal in life to laugh many, many times everyday. And I am happy to report that I am succeeding (even if it is just to laugh at myself--even at the end of a horrible, horrible day I can pick up a trusty Shel Silverstein book of poems and laugh my butt off). Wouldn't that be great if we could truly laugh our butts away.

Note to self... Things to avoid: gossips, judgy people, negative, cynical, too busy for life, flakes.
Things to seek: laughter, friendship, affirmations, the kiss of my dogs, good chocolate, deep and meaningful conversations, eating icecream from the carton (Mayfield Snowcream), the hug from family, those that bring healing.

So, if there is nothing new. I would love to learn from the mistakes of the past and get on to the better things that are out there. Is that possible? Can I pay attention and learn how to replicate the good others have accomplished and avoid the bad that some have stumbled upon?

2008-03-18T08:15:00.003-06:00

The Bike Rack

I have had all manner of trouble with taking my bike places. It started with buying a new car. This car is much smaller than my van (well, obviously, its a car and not a van). I was asked by some friends if I wanted to join them at a park in Lebannon to ride bikes. Sure, I say. Sounds fantastic--this was that really pretty Sunday a few weeks back. So I went home planning on throwing my bike in the back of my car. After all it is a hatchback and the back seats fold down-- I can do that, right? The back of my van fit three bikes surely I could squeeze one it the back of my Versa, right? No. Absolutely not happening. As a matter of fact I got more of a workout trying to get that bike in the back of my car without scratching anything than I thought possible. So I took one of my dogs instead. I had a nice walk while other rode. Dodger was happy, he made lots of friends.

So, I made a decision, I needed a bike rack. Nothing too expensive, just one of those that strap onto the trunk (or in my case the hatchback) of a car. Went to Target and got a bike rack. It was the next day that I realized that they charges me twice for one rack. So instead of being at $40 bike rack it was an $80 bike rack. So, I went back to Target. Armed only with my receipt and the knowledge that one person in their right mind for never buy two bike racks like this (it wouldn't fit on the back of any car). The lady was sympathetic but completly not clicking with me. She looked at me and looked at the receipt and looked back at me and said, what is a bike rack. So I am explaining, typical me fashion, with my hands. I am trying to convey the size and how it straps to the trunk and how the bikes go on the rack. Etc. etc. etc. Finally, it dawns. So you really don't need two? No, I don't. So, you didn't buy two? No, I didn't. I'll just credit back your card. Thank you very much.

Next issue... I go to strap it on my car. And it is saying that ideally, the bottom straps should be attached to something metal underneath the bottom of the bumper. There is not metal underneath the bottom of the bumper. IT IS ALL PLASTIC. So, I am in my garage (Thank you Lord for a garage and that I wasn't just in the driveway for all the neighborhood to see). I am in my garage, on the floor, still wearing my work clothes, crawling underneath my car looking for anything metal. My dogs are out there with me and think this must be a new, super fun game--the step on mommy's stomach game. Finally I just strap it to the bottom of the hatchback itself and it works nicely.

I am happy to report that I made it to work this morning without the bike flying off the back.

2008-03-14T12:40:00.002-06:00

He's trying to fatten me up.

I go frequently to a Mexican restaurant in town with my parents. When I say frequently, I mean at least once a week. The food is always good, the salsa is terrific, and it is always a boost to my self-esteem. There are a couple of the waiters that will come and talk to me, and smile at me, and offer to bring me margaritas or tequila. But becuase I am on a diet, I haven't been in about a month through. Apparently, my favorite waiter has been asking my parents about me. Is the seniorita coming today??? So, last night I was taking a night off from the diet (I still went home and walked 5 miles). And I went to Dos Margaritas. It was good. But, I was careful, I only ate a couple of chips and ordered the veggie/chicken dish. My waiter had other idea because the plate came piled up with more food than I thought was possible. It was an enormous amount of chicken. So I ate half--less than half and I was full. When I asked for a box, he looked so disappointed. It was at this point I became very suspicious because he started suggesting dessert. Can I bring you some flan, sopapillas, chocolate chimichanga? My mom perked up with the chocolate chimichanga and that was promptly brought to the table with three spoons-- it was set directly in front of me. If this wasn't enough to confirm that he does not approve of the diet. He didn't even charge for the dessert, saying it was just for me.

2008-03-13T07:31:00.003-06:00

My First Matches

Okay, I have stated the eHarmony thing. So far, not panning out the way that I thought it would. The first guy I made it to open communication with seemed ideal. We had emailed over open communication for a while and were doing well. He had a witty sense of humor and dedicated to helping children. He wanted a family of his own. And I know that this is not important, but he was cute too (I could tell from his pictures). The problem came when we started discussing leaving the eHarmony format. We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers. Here is the tricky part--my email address has my last name. It was then that I got an email. Still funny throughout almost ignoring the obvious, until... then the last sentence... Oh, by the way, is your ex-husband _____? HOLY SHIT!!!!! That is right he works with my ex. He didn't say that they were friends, only that he was friends with my ex's friends. Strange way to put it, I thought. So I closed that match. Relationships are complicated enough.

Next guy that I made it to the open communication level with. Sweet guy. Gentle soul. Scared of his own shadow. Now keep in mind that this is our first meeting. We kept it casual. We met for ice cream. It was time limited, I think total we sat and talked for a little over an hour. Not much in the big sceme of things. But in this time, there were some definate problems. First question he asked, Do you mind snakes? Snakes?!?!? What is running through my head is that he has a 10 foot boa constrictor in his house that will eat my dogs. No, it's a little better but not much. He has a snake phobia. So much so that he will not even go into that section of the zoo. He will not watch a movie that has snakes in it. Fear of snakes. I don't like snakes, but they don't freak me out (unless I am stuck in an innertube in the middle of the Little Pigeon River). But this seemed excessive. Second question, How big are your dogs? He really doesn't like dogs, he is especially afraid of big dogs. I just wanted to say, they may not be big, but, honey, Miriam will eat you for breakfast. Third question, Do you have a roomate? No, I say, I live alone. Aren't you scared? No, I say, I seem to get along just fine. Apparently he has always lived with a roomate and not because financial reasons, but because he doesn't want to live alone. (Side note, I am loving living by myself, life is simple, life is good, where I put something is where it stays, I have absolute say on what I watch on TV, and I can stained glass anytime that I want). Forth and final red flag question, How do you feel about traditional gender roles? I say something to the effect that it is important for the couple to work those roles out on their own, forming a compromise that works best for them. He thinks that is terrific, because in relationships he sees himself as "more of the girl." Yes, that is a direct quote. I emailed him the next day to say something along the lines that I am extremely independent and love the outdoors and adventure, that I thought that there is someone with a gentle spirit out there for him and the best thing I can do to help him find her is to close the match.

There are some strange cookies out there.

2008-03-11T13:56:00.002-06:00

A Blog of Blogging

I realized today that it has been quite a long time since I have blogged last. It is not that I don't enjoy blogging. I do, but there is a sense of paranoia that follows me as I blog. This is hardly an anonymous place to post as most friends and family are aware of the site. The questions always come up about who is reading me. This is not a normal feeling for me. I am not normally paranoid about the people who look over my shoulder. I like the feeling that my friends are checking up on me. It doesn't even bother me that someone could be reading my posts that has never met me. Nothing wrong with that. If you are interested in some day to day thoughts of a slightly strange person, I have no problem with that. My concern... That has more to do with those that know me that we don't keep in contact anymore. Oh, what a stupid, round-a-bout way of saying, I don't like the idea that my ex-husband could wonder back to this site to check up. Paranoid. Yes. Truthfully, I doubt that he would care about what I put in here. Strangely enough, I find myself wanting to be sensitive to the just in case. I have had many interesting stories happen to me lately, that I haven't shared "just in case." So, I guess this post is to simply qwell my paranoia and act as a warning. Dating stories to come.

2007-10-24T08:24:00.000-05:00

Lily (and, of course, Craig and Rhonda)

My niece got into town late Monday night and I went by my parents to see her last night. She remembered me. She got this huge grin and ran right up to me and gave me a big hug and said--"Bubbles". Well, what do you expect, they were blowing bubbles at the time.

Too cute. I'll have pictures later.

2007-10-18T14:59:00.000-05:00

Go here and Click, DAILY

This Site has found sponsors that are willing to give donations if there are people willing to go and click on the site. There are several categories and I would encourage all to click on each one. Hunger, Breast Cancer, Child Health, Literacy, Rainforest, Animal Rescue. Even if these things are not your cause, it takes all of 30 seconds to do a click in each category. A page will come up after the click with a list of their sponsors, but there is no obligation to go to thoses sites.

Also they have great things to buy that also give more. When you purchase an item from this site part of the proceeds go toward the cause. It will tell you how much food, or money will be donated because of the purchase. You can also give a gift directly to the cause (such as high-efficiency stoves for Sudanese refugees from Darfur) and they will wave shipping costs. Start thinking Christmas Shopping.

This is just a win-win situation. Go forth and click. All these are causes close to my heart, esp. child health and animal rescue. Thanks for clicking.

2007-10-18T08:56:00.000-05:00

My Garage Door has Issues out the WAAZOO

So, here is the story. My garage door opener ever since being installed has made this strange buzzing sound. Constantly. Not just when the door is being opened and closed but ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. It turns out that there is a problem with the mother board. I, like many I have talked to, had no idea that a garage door opener would have a mother board, or that if it did it could go screwy. So the new mother board has been ordered and is ready to install, I just have to find the time to get it done. Simply put, my garage door has mother issues.

But, this isn't all. Like most people with mother issues, the door also has other issues as well. Apparently the "upforce" of my opener is improperly calibrated. This is why it didn't open all the way and I ran the back of my van into the garage door. To my defense--I didn't just back into a closed door. It open, mostly--so much that looking out my rearview mirror, I saw the outside world. Had I been in a regular size car and not the van (any one want to buy a van, anyone at all?), I would have cleared all but an antennia. As it is I hit the roof of the van--no damage to the van (you know for anyone interested in buying it--it still looks good), but I managed to pull the seal off the bottom of the garage door and knock it off track. Luckily my dad was available to come over and look at it--he called the garage door guy (it is still under warrenty) and that is when I found out that I have a garage door opener with mother issues and upforce issues (sounds like it needs Viagra).

2007-10-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

I Think I'm Addicted

I have never worked somewhere where I have constant access to a computer. Never. The last place I worked I had to travel across the big city of Gallatin to the main office to get to a computer and even with that, I would not have access to email. But now I sit in front of a computer for most of the day and that means constant email and facebook access. And there is something about that which is appealing because I keep checking every 1/2 hour to hour to see if I have a new message. Have you emailed me lately???

Let me just say that this does not keep me from my work duties as days here are usually light (the exception being Mondays when I run payroll and the beginning of the month when we close out the previous month). That being said I still like to check my inbox and see what I have gotten. Usually it is from Old Navy or Amazon or even J.Jill.com--all worthy places to shop (if you have the finances, I do not). I have 3 email accounts and I check them all regularly. Yahoo and MSN only once per day, but my Bellsouth account, I just can't seem to get away from.

By the way, does anyone have a Bellsouth account. I do not like the new email. If I accidentally hit the right button a box will come up that will not go away even if I click somewhere else on the email. I have to actually make a decision to do one of options in the box (open the email, respond, delete, etc.). And I don't know how many times I have deleted an email that I want to keep because I had been reading it, then decided to highlight the ad emails in otder to delete them and it was still selected. Why does it have to open up a new window when I want to read an email? It used to be that I could go from one to another to another by clicking next.

So, the point of this blog. No such luck, because there really is no point, but to sum up...

... I hate Bellsouth's (or more accurately AT&T's) new email, but I just can't keep from checking it.

2007-10-09T10:30:00.000-05:00

Ready to Work

I am so excited. My dad came over this weekend and we worked together to finish assembling my new workbench. I don't think I have ever been this excited about some thing made out of wood ever. I now have all my stained glass equipment (well all but a few items) at the house and I am ready to start my next project.

It is for my cousin's house and I don't have to pay for the glass. Get to do what I love AND no out of pocket expense. I am ready to work.

2007-10-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

Bragging on Myself and L.T.

I have discovered a passion for flower arranging that I never knew that I had and here is some of the results. L.T. and I did the flowers for a reception this weekend and actually got to do a ton of flowers.

2007-10-04T08:48:00.000-05:00

Sad

This week at church, our music minister retired. He had been at the church for 30 years. A very impressive number. This longevity hardly effects me (except for the Wow status) because I have only been at the church a little over two years. But I am truly saddened to see him go. He wasn't just a song leader or a choir leader, he was truly a man who had a heart for people and a desire to minister. I chose this church because of the music and I stayed at this church becasue of the music. Now, we all have claims on M.E. and rememberances of his ministry that is a blessing. For my own part he was the one I turned to for advice and prayer during my divorce. I go to a large church and feeling close to a pastor in that size churhc is next to impossible, so M.E. was my minister of choice.

Last night, I went to the first choir practice without M.E. and it was something of a surreal experience. The first thing our new interim did was switch the soprano and alto side. So I am singing from what feels like the opposite side of the world. This will take some adjustment, as will learning his directing style. On the up side, he is good. He will be able to carry this choir during this time of transition. We had a reception for him before choir and he truly made an effort to great each choir member as they came through and to get to know them a litt.e I really liked how he continually empansized that we are singing more than words and more than notes, we are singing a message. Another bright side is that my friend L.T. has come out of alto retirement to help support the transition (or maybe out of a sense of curiosity?). I think I will get into trouble sitting next to her--a little too much talking going on, but choir has never passed so quickly.

M.E. will be missed. Truly missed.

2007-09-27T09:27:00.000-05:00

Oh, How I Love those Rainy Days

I have decided that as a constitutional admendment, no, forget admendment, write it on the actual Constitution that all rainy days, especially those that have been following drought should be an offical come into work late day. I have more than just selfish reasons for wanting this.

First (and yes this one is a little self-centered) I would like to be able to sleep in a little bit. Can you imagine how much more productive I could be if I were allowed to stay warm and cosy under my covers for another hour or so? Not to mention that the dogs hate going out in the rain. This would leave me with less pressure to force them outside in the drissle-i-ness. Even Dodger this morning did not want to go out, but stayed in bed for an extra few minutes.

Second, I came across so many wrecks this morning. It is just unsafe to attempt to travel in this weather. If allowed an extra few hours at home, everyone would be able to wait until it was a little lighter outside and be that much safer when driving to work.

I know it is too late for today, but we have to think about the next rainy day and declare it an "It's raining so everyone should just sleep late and come to work when they feel like it" day.

Otherwise I am loving the rain, my grass is loving the rain, my flowers are loving the rain. I have missed the rain--Welcome rain to Middle TN, hope you can stay a few days.

2007-09-18T08:39:00.000-05:00

Two Babies is Too Many?

Okay, I read this story this morning and was completely floored. A woman is suing the doctor that did IVF on her not because it didn't work, but because it work too well--she is having twins. There are many points that I am taking issue with.

First, and I know that this is my bias--Can twins really be such a problem? Most couple going through fertility stuff and IVF are thrilled that they can have two babies and not go through the procedure again. IVF is majorly expensive and quite a pain to go through. Did this couple not realize that multiple births are inherent? I see nothing in this that is the joy of parenthood. There should be a sense of being "thrilled" at the prospect of double the blessing. Also, part of the lawsuit is to pay for loss of work. Let's follow this logic for a little bit. Are you going to sue your child's classmates when the inevitable happens--little Johnny came to school with a cold, passed it on to your precious one and now you have to miss work to take care of her? Parents give up a lot for their children.

Second, has American litigiousness spread toAustrialia and other countries. I am amazed to see a lawsuit of this nature in other countries. To me this is right in line with suing McDonalds because the coffee was hot or suing the tobacco industry because you got lung cancer despite having started smoking after the surgeon general warnings were release. IVF has the risk of multiple births, always has. I understand the desire for this woman and her partner to have children, but if you are choosing IVF as the means, you are at a much greater risk of having twins. Surely the risks were known ahead of time. Have we entered into a worldwide phenomenon of lack of responsiblity?

Just a thought.

2007-08-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

Too Cute

Okay, you have to go to this web address for some dog tricks. You can type in commands--tell him to sit, roll over, playdead, shake, fetch, etc. And of course save this one for last--tell him to "kiss." Worth a look at.

2007-08-17T08:30:00.000-05:00

Almost a Month at the New Job

Okay I have been at my new job for almost a month now and I have not blogged about it (or so Lacy so kindly pointed out last night). It is going great. It has a few draw-backs (smokers in the office, slight mildew problem and hot in my front office area). But that is just the space. The actual job, going great. I know, I know--I've already said that. But it is. I now have a job that I get off at 4:15 and it ends at 4:15. I used to dream about my job before, I used to worry about my kids and what they would have to go home to in some cases. (I still worry about those kids), but with this job, I am not adding more worries to the pile daily.

As far as the workload--very doable. We get a lot of sales calls, but the official position on that is put them on hold until they give up. It almost seems mean, but talking to them seems worse, it is so time consuming. Besides change is not something this office embraces, so I doubt that a saleman would be able to convince them to buy a product they have been doing just fine without, thank you very much. Apparently I worked something of a miracle by getting them to buy and strategically place Ionic Breezes around the office (my own tabletob Breeze sit pointed directly into my breathing space. Nice, huh?) Oh, my other official office duties include payroll (who wouldn't like to print their own check) and accounts payable (okay, I know, paying bills--but at least it is not my own or with my own money). So besides doing some other reports, I am also the glorified errand runner. I have made bank runs and lunch runs and snack runs, etc. At first I didn't like it so much, but what do I care. It breaks up the day, making it pass very quickly. It gets me out of the office. And I get to take a company car. Speaking of company cars, my favorite would be the Lincoln. Air conditioned seats. I mean who wouldn't want cold air on their rear end in this weather (and for winter the seats are heated).

I still have my private practice and have been adding a couple of clients each month I am there. I hope that it keeps growing as I will be losing the group-home gig at the end of the year. And that was my bread and butter for covering the rent at my office. If my practice keeps growing though, I should be quite okay (recommend all your friends to me).

So that is the update. Sorry that I have been so remiss about blogging, I have recently become slightly addicted to facebook.

2007-07-17T17:38:00.000-05:00

Last Day

That's right, tomorrow is my last day as a school-based therapist. I will be doing private practice and a receptionist job (starting next week). I am excited about this change and think that it is very good timing for me. I am very sad about all the kiddos that I will be leaving behind. That will be the hardest thing, even if they are in good hands.

But now, I don't know if I should change the name of my blog. Stuck in School just won't fit anymore. Any suggestions? I would love to hear them. Strange things like "Turkey Toes" keep popping into my head and I can't get something serious. Of course I could always just leave the "Stuck in School" and just pretend like I don't notice.

2007-07-11T20:21:00.001-05:00

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

That's right I went to the midnight showing last night with all the other HP nuts. And it was good. They combined a few scenes, but it could have been worse. It was amazing how they did the whole sucked into Voldemort's mind thing.

Now that I have seen the movie--I can't wait for the last book. I am so impatient.

2007-07-01T15:31:00.000-05:00

Tubbing in Townsend

This is the second year that I have done this, but basically we rented tubes from the River Rat and for one low price you float down the river and then are bused back, float down the river and bused back... For as long as you want until 5:00pm.

Now I know that it has only happened twice, but it hasn't failed yet, someone will fall at the first set of rapids. This year it was my mom. I went with parents, aunt, and 7 year old cousin. So we thought that we would tie all the rafts together. Not a great idea. It's okay for two rafts to be tied together, but with three or more, you have a middle raft. Mom was in the middle raft and her tube got stuck on a rock. Normally an untethered tube would simply spin around and dislodge itself from the rock and continue downstream. Being a tethered tube and a tethered on two sides tube, it was in a bind. No sooner did mom's tube get caught on the rock than the force of the other tubes flipped it over. I looked back in time to see my mother going feet over face into the water.

So, word to the wise--I would recommend the fun of tubbing in Townsend to anyone. Just don't tether more than two tubes together at a time.

I love alliteration.

2007-06-27T17:18:00.000-05:00

Dodger at the Vet

Well, Dodger went to the vets office today and got a clean bill of health. No intestinal worms. Clean teeth. Perfect weight. Sweet and wonderful to all employees at the office. While there they trimmed his nails for him--that was the hardest part. No he didn't finch when they took his temp. He didn't even seemed to notice when they did the fecal sample. Shots, no problem. Oh yeah, and he stood so still when the vet was checking his ears that she let me look into his ears (a little wax, but beautiful color). But nail trimming? He freaks out. They didn't even nick the quetical (spelling?), but he flips out. He started flipping out just when he saw the clippers. I think it is a mental thing. But at least no more of that annoying clicking as he wonders the floors.

PS, has anyone ever had their dog vaccinated for kennel cough? Dodger doesn't even get boarded and she insisted on the vaccination. Nose drops. I will confess, he wasn't so keen on that either. I think that as long as he can see what they are doing to him, he doesn't care.

2007-06-22T19:29:00.001-05:00

I Love Air Conditioning

I did a home visit today with a sweet family. The visit went great. We talked, we laughed--all in all a good therapeutic visit. The problem--it was at 3:00 in the afternoon and they don't have air conditioning. The funny thing is, their dog kept wanting to sniff my armpits (although I am certain they should have been detectable from across the room).

Afterwards I went to a visit at the clinic and though I usually complain about the coldness. Not today.

Air Conditioning--what a great invention.

2007-06-20T17:55:00.000-05:00

New Job

I have a new job. I have to temper my joy a little as I have several friends needing jobs right now, and this one just feel into my lap. What this means??? I will no longer be "stuck in school." Actually, my day job will not be doing therapy at all. I got a job as a receptionist, with opportunity to move up in a year or so to office manager. Sadly enough the receptionist job pays more than my current, Masters Degree required job.

I was approached with the possibility several months ago, but just wasn't ready. Also, I knew that I would be asking a lot (money above the base salary, extra vacation time). The job just seemed like a long shot. They gave me what I wanted and I took the job. I turned in my resignation today. In my current job, what a mess--they require that to leave in good standing you must give 4 weeks notice and you cannot take paid time off during that time and oh, yeah--you also don't get paid for holidays. What a load of doggie poopy! And I have two dogs, I recognize doggie poopy when I smell it.

So, I focus on the positive--with my new job I will leave it behind at 4:15--no worries will follow me home. I will have a lot of down time--more blogging??? And I am able to maintain my private practice (so I don't have to leave my therapy hat behind completely). With with job, I get to avoid the burnout that I was definately headed for.

2007-06-20T17:37:00.000-05:00

The Big Easy

I just returned from a mission trip to New Orleans. I am happy to report that more and more houses are being built and more of the locals have returned, but I was astounished by the devastation that is still evident. I truly hope that we do not forget those from New Orleans.

2007-06-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

A Tribute to Bob

So this is not the best picture, but it is the only one I have. Let me introduce you to Bob. Bob is a Betta fish. I call him Bob the Betta--kind of after Bob the Builder.

Last week, Bob died. This is not a sad time though, Bob lasted over two years. The funny part of the story is that this is actually Bob 2. Bob 1 also lasted about 2 years or a little more.

Earlier this week I took Dodger (my little dog) in to get his nails trimmed. Sometimes it is just easier to pay the 10 bucks. While at the pet store, I spotted the Betta display. After much deliberation, and tugging on Dodger's lease so he didn't bug the other customers in the store, I found him--Bob 3. So I take my dog, my nail clipping receit and Bob 3 to the cash register. Dodger, of course, being as cute as he is attracks the attention of all store the employees and gets so excited on seeing the male cashier that he pees on the floor. I get that cleaned up, start to check out. Well, Do I have a Petco card? Yes, I think so, just not with me. That's okay, we can look it up by your phone number--well it turns out that that is in my ex's name. Do I want to get my own? Sure, I guess so. Then as I am filling out the information card, Dodger takes it upon himself to walk into the cashiers station and become tangled around his legs. I finish the transaction and finally I am ready to leave--Dodger is not. I get him disentangled from the cashier and we go out the door.

It is only after I get home (oh about 20 minutes away) do I realize that although I paid for Bob 3, I did not make it home, or even out of the store with Bob 3. So, I call Petco, trying to think of the best way to reassure them that I do not normally neglect my pets or leave them places. A friend picked up Bob for me and he is now safely installed in the bowl on the mantel.

2007-06-06T22:49:00.000-05:00

Upcomings!

It has occured to me that it is a while since I have blogged. The main reason for that, It's Summertime! and the livin' is easy. And this is another wonderful time when I blog about how much I love my job. Although I still work during the summer my hours are somewhere between 2-5 hours a day and most can be done from my computer at home. I do visits to this kids home during the summer, this can be challenging and sometimes scary, but it does give a great picture of what these kids are dealing with on a day to day basis.

So, I want to refrain from bragging, but I have been swimming--Love swimming. I have been golfing--Love golfing. I have been walking and bike riding and planting a tree and all sort of fun and exciting stuff. The only summer activity that I haven't gotten a chance to do would be camping. But I don't exactly have a camping buddy anymore and I am finding myself to be sufficiently independent, camping alone just seems boring.

Still I can't complain. Next week I will be in New Orleans on mission trip with my church's youth choir. We will be singing and working with Habitat for Humanity and running a Bible Camp, visiting the French Quarter. I am looking forward to a fun week, but I must confess, I am also a little intimidated. Yes, I know that I work with kids and teenagers every day of the week, but I have to say that is one on one. This is a massive group of kids. Pray for me.

2007-05-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

Mutual Suffering

I have friends. Lots and lots of friends. Not going through the best time of my life, and my friends are there for me. They call me, they check on me. They buy me cards and write encouraging messages that sometimes makes me cry. They take me out and keep me annoyingly busy for the homebody that I am. They are wonderful, wonderful friends. They will listen and sympathize on my bad days when it seems the tears just won't stop. They laugh with me on the good days--but don't assume that "finally she's done." They happily volunteer to do bodily harm to the person who is the source of all this pain. They are there.

But there is something to be said for mutual suffering. Misery doesn't just love company, it needs company. I had dinner tonight with a mutual sufferer. Her story is just like mine (I know that I complained about this in a previous blog, but this is a different day). Tonight I was able to talk to someone and know that they understood me because they are right there with me. It is not that I want only miserable people around me, but aometimes, I feel guilty being around happy people. I hate feeling that I am sometimes dragging them down into my depths. And I don't want to be that person. I don't need miserable company 24/7. That would be horrible, but to be around those that also suffer and share in their pain is a connection that, may I say it, is sacred.

Beware, I am about to get preachy here. Through this time I have been reading a lot in the book of Psalms. Just last night I read "My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite." YES, that is me. Or how about this one from 2 nights ago "I cried out, 'I'm slipping!' and your unfailing love, O Lord, supports me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." David's words and the psalms that he wrote appeal to me as well. I have held onto misery and have needed its company through this: "As for this friend of mine, he betrayed me; he broke his promises. His words are as smooth as cream, but in his heart is war. His words are as soothing as lotion but underneath are daggers!" It is hard when your best friend has turned against you and all he has to offer is self-pitying.

2007-05-17T21:37:00.000-05:00

Wow, Did You See This?

I am all about weather. Storms absolutely fascinate me. I know that it is not the safest pasttime, but when a storm comes through, I love to just sit by the window or stand behind the storm door and just watch the storm. It is not just the lightening that amazes me, even though the lightening is the best. I like the wind and the rain and the sheer volume of white noise that a storm creates. Good stuff.

2007-05-17T16:06:00.000-05:00

Amazing Home Remedies

A friend sent these to me and I had to share them. There are times in life that you feel you just can't smile, this is one of those. Anything that will lift your spirit during those times is amazing and this is one of those. Thank you Gayla-girl--good luck in your next adventure. (Oh and these are not serious, so no one try them at home and then leave me hateful comments--not sweet.)

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thought for the Day: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES ..... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING ... BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

Hope that you had as much enjoyment as I did. I laughed so hard--and the windows are open so I am sure that my neighbors are unsure of my sanity.

2007-05-14T09:21:00.000-05:00

Flower Month Revisited
Just to brag on myself a little bit. I did this arrangement for church. I love working with flowers, it is so hard to make them look bad.

2007-05-14T00:13:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day

I have to say, this Mother's Day has not been as bad as ones in the past. For the past 3-4 years, my Mother's Day celebrations have been getting progressively more depressing. Fertility issues can do that to a person, but this year, not so bad and I was surprised. I guess when not actively pursuing a baby, Mother's Day can actually be about my mother, and not in the pursuit of motherhood.

I am currently in motherhood limbo and for now, that's okay. Hope that you had a good mother's day regardless of the motherhood status that you find yourself in.

2007-04-30T21:30:00.000-05:00

Flower Month

I am on what I would consider the most interesting committee ever to be formed in a church. I am on the Flower committee. I have been asked to sit for committees before and have sometimes said no and sometimes said yes, but never really liked the idea of committees or the bureaucracy of committees. At work I am on the Scanned Records Committee--this decides what old records should be scanned into the new system for access from the computer. At other churches I have served on a Children's choir committee and a hospitality committee and I believe that there was some missions committee somewhere along the way.

This committee is right up my alley, though. I don't have to make important decisions, there are no reports to be made to the concregation, and most fun of all--I get to be creative. So this month is my flower month. I have a Flower Month buddy. We both work to create the arrangements in the sanctuary for the month of May. I was on the committee last year, but something about the second year, with some experience under my belt feels good. I can't wait.

April showers, brings May ...

2007-04-23T22:16:00.000-05:00

Colorado trip

Lily is one year old.

On the trip, I went skiing (first time in oh--12 years). I went hiking. I baby sat. I had a great trip.

2007-04-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

Re-Read of 2007

There are certain books that are so good to me that I re-read them annually, or at least every other year. Not to sound too much like You've Got Mail, but Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin is on that list. My first P&P exposure was actually through the A&E Mini series with Jennifer Echols and Colin Firth (still an enduring crush). Then I read the book. From there I have read and re-read all the completed Jane Austin books. I am on my third copy of P&P as the other two were falling apart from so many readings.

For my current Re-Read, I am preparing for a book I have waited, on edge, for a year. Harry Potter, Book 7. I wanted to start my re-read of book 1-6 and take my time savoring the books and the unfolding plot, but I have yet again, gotten caught up in a fever. I started less than a week ago and I am already halfway through book 3. I have pre-ordered from Book 7 Amazon.com and hope that 7/21/07 gets here before I have to re-read Books 1-6 more than once. I will confess, I was so excited about this pre-order until a friend told me that she did this with Book 6 and they lost her order--she got it 3 weeks later. Now I am nervous. I really want this book on the day that it comes out.

2007-04-12T22:10:00.000-05:00

3, maybe 4 things to say

1. First session in my private practice went well today. I am well on my way to being private practice counselor extradinare. (Can you tell that I really like saying "private practice?")

2. I leave for vacation in Colorado tomorrow. Yeah, a little bit of much needed relaxation. Not to mention getting to see my niece who just turned one year old.

3. I have dogs fighting under my feet for my attention. Fighting, playing, what's the difference?

4. Teachers arrested in Sumner County--That is a little too close to home. I have been in all of these schools and have met some of these teachers. What were they thinking?

2007-04-11T18:11:00.000-05:00

Private Practice

That is right, I said private practice. Well, it is just part-time private practice, but I see my first client in my private practice tomorrow. I am so excited. For those that read this--I am keeping my school-based job (insurance, money, etc. all make it necessary to stick with the day job). But I have had it officially cleared through said job to pursue this opportunity. This is an unbelievably empowering step for me.

Private Practice--it just feels so good to write it, to say it, to shout it from the mountains. Which is where I will be next week, the Colorado mountains. I will be admiring my beautiful niece that just turned one and relaxing as much as possible.

2007-04-08T23:03:00.000-05:00

The Drama of the Eye Wash Cup

My Dad is a huge fan of the eye wash cup. Has used one for years. It is a great contraption that seals around your eye and washes out dirt. You would mix up a salt water solution that tasted like tears, put your eye to the cup, lean back and blink a few times to let the water you know, wash out your eye.

Here is where the drama comes in. My dad's eye wash cup that probably dates back to B.C. (my parents way of saying Before Children--oh, and that would be 32 years). As I was saying--his eye wash cup got knocked off the counter and got a chip in it. Hopefully, you recognize that something used to wash gunk out of your eye should never have broken glass anywhere around it or in it. So he threw out his eye wash cup and put it on the grocery list. Surely, Wal-mart carries this handy, dandy and very useful item, the eye wash cup. WRONG. And so the search began. Not at Wal-mart, not at Walgreens, can't be found at CVS and no sign of one at Eckerds. So, he went to the internet. Surely the internet would not let him down. You can find anything on the internet these days. Ebay, yes, Ebay did have a few eye wash cups up for grabs. Only these were antiques and in all sorts of fancy colors and a little on the pricey side of things. My Dad didn't want fancy colors and wasn't even too sold on the idea of an antique eye wash cup. After all, who knows what kind of shared eye diseases could come from that, not to mention the possiblity of small chips in this old glass.

How was the problem solved? He finally found a dealer that sold them wholesale. He bought a case of 15 in order to get one. So, everyone in the family got one. My mom and my dad now have their own eye wash cup--no sharing please. I got one, of course. I believe my brother and his wife will each get one--maybe even one for my neice (yes, the one year old). I am sure that my aunt and cousins are also on the list. And the rest, well they will go into storage just in case the current eye wash cup meets the same untimely end.

2007-04-05T19:03:00.000-05:00

It Has Turned Out to be a Good Day

This doesn't always happen you know, bad start to the day turning around to be a good day, but today was one of those days (it actually wasn't a bad start, just a mediocre start). Last night before bed I thought about turning on the heat (after all the temperature was dropping). Thinking about the heat and getting the heat going are two different things. I have discovered that I am actually kind-of miserly--I don't want to spend the money to heat my house in the middle of April, it just seems counter-intuiative. So I grabbed myself an extra blanket and went to bed. I woke up freezing this morning. And I was not the only mammel in the house that was craving heat. Miriam (Austrailian Cattle Dog), Dodger (Some sort of Terrier Mix pup), AND Moses (the cat that usually shuns cuddling when the dogs are even in the house) are all laying around/on me. I had Miriam on my right, by my hip. Dodger was on my left in his usual spot (my armpit). Moses thought the best place for him was on my chest, stretched across my neck. Did I mention that I have allergies? Cat hair by my face, not so good. Normally, this would bother me, but I was happy for the warmth. I did not want to move from my little nest, but the animals sensed that I was stirring. Moses was first--he stood up and promptly went to stand on my bladder. Dodger began to lick my ear. Miriam, getting jealous that Dodger was getting attention decides to lunge at him--right over my belly. "I'm up," I yell.

Then comes a promise to fullfill--I was to go to water aerobics with my mother. Not too much of a big deal--I like water aerobics. Did I mention that this is Senior Swim water aerobics--my mother being one of the young whipper, snappers of the group? So, I stood out like a sore thumb, being only 30 and the only one without a swim dress.

So how did my mediocre day turn around? I found some beautiful sounding windchimes. That's right, windchimes. They are melodious. I am easily pleased--at least today.

2007-04-03T16:48:00.000-05:00

Spring Break

This is the great time of year called Spring. I love Summer too, but Spring (aside from Winter and Fall) is my favorite. I understand what you are thinking, when it comes to seasons, I am a little wishy-washy. I will admit, I like them all. They each have some wonder about them, something great. What I like most of all about Spring is discoving the flowers that keep popping up everywhere. Just last week I was visiting a friend and her dogwood trees looked completely bare. This week I went back and they were in full bloom (she has about 20-25 trees that line her driveway). It was beautiful.

It is not just discoving flowers that come back year after year, it has to do with unexpected growth too. When I moved into the house two years ago the yard had not been well cared for. (Neither had the house for that matter). So, last summer I discover that I had a Peony bush. It came up, but never bloomed. Well, it came up again this year, but my expectations were low. Two days ago, I noticed a bloom--it is so beautiful. Spring truly is the best season (that is until Summer gets here).

Yes, this is actually a picture from my yard. And I did nothing to nurture it, just cleared back the burmuta grass.

Have a Happy Spring.

2007-03-27T21:57:00.000-06:00

Am I really just like everyone else?

I feel the need to ask this because I have always thought of myself as a truly unique person, an individual. No, I am not. And this has happened many times in my life, but more so in the recent days. I tell about something going on in my life--and someone has a story to at least match mine and usually will top my story. These days I hear a lot of "me too." I hate "me toos." It's like saying your current pain doesn't matter because I have also gone through or am going through this. My brain knows that this is not what they mean by "me too," but sometimes my brain short circuits. Is that really surprising? In times of high emotional crises, my brain goes a little haywire and instead of acting on thoughts from my brain, I act on feelings from my heart.

I am a listener. My career, my chosen profession is based on being a listener (you know, mental health therapist and all). So I sometimes have trouble cutting people off in the middle of their "me too" stories. I know (in my brain) that they are trying to reach out, to have a shared experience. After all that is a huge thing in life and something so powerful--a shared experience. Even if we weren't there at that exact moment, our brains still search for a similar example, something that helps us to wrap our thoughts around it and to understand better where that person is coming from. But I feel (in my heart) so frustrated and hurt that they just didn't let me talk. A "me too" has happened.

I am going through a divorce. And there are way too many "me toos" out there when it comes to this story. My husband doesn't love--really "me too." I never saw it coming--really "me too." My life is a cliche these days. I feel like it has boiled down to a simple "me too" story. The sad thing, I still love my husband very much. I still want to do what it takes to work it out, and I haven't gotten many "me toos" on this one.

2007-03-19T19:47:00.000-06:00

School Days, She says with a Sigh

I have to say that working in an elementary and middle school there are many times when I look back at childhood and say, "Thank you Lord for my thirties." But I picked up one of my kids from gym class the other day and they were playing kickball. Do you remember kickball? Now I couldn't hit a ball with a bat to save my life, but there was something magical and wonderful about kickball. Kicking that ball as hard as I could then running with all fury and diligence around the bases. I realize now that a home-run in kickball wasn't such a big deal. But in gym class, in elementary school, if I got a home-run, I was on top of the world. So from kickball my mind wondered to other amazing elementary school games. Tag. Dodgeball. Even a little bit of square dancing. But my most favorite of all--the parachute.

We had names for the way we would do the parachute. The ripple--this is where you shake it as hard as you could. The mushroom--you would lift it high in the air and run to toward the center, then run back out before it came down over your head. And then you would walk in a circle, or all hide underneath it. A couple of years back (maybe three years ago now), I was on mission trip to Romania, working in the villages of the Roma (to say "gypsy" is a derogatory term). And they had a parachute and did the same things that I remember doing in gym class (that great time of day in elementary schoo). Kids are kids no matter where you go. And fun is fun, no matter what the language.

Boy, do I miss gym class. I go to the gym now and it is just not the same. Walking on a treadmill, riding a stationary bike. Not the same as kickball.

2007-03-16T19:18:00.000-06:00

Don't I have the cutest niece?

2007-03-15T20:31:00.000-06:00

Blogs on Dogs

I have to talk about the challenge of trimming a dog's nails. I am finding that a trick that will work for one dog will not necessarily work for another dog. My older dog, Miriam (Australian Cattle Dog), will not like getting her nails trimmed, but she will tolerate it. I have her lay down on her side in front of me and hold her feet close to her body. This eliminates any jerking back and keeps me from clipping too far down. (Anyone who has ever made the painful, bloody mistake of cutting a dogs' nails too far down knows what I am talking about). I trim all on that side, have her flip over and do all on the other side. Miriam will then get a treat for ALL the nails.

I tried this with Dodger, my little terrier cutie. He would have none of it. I couldn't even get him to lay down. The first trick I tried with him was successful--sort of. I would wait until he would fall asleep on the couch and then go after whatever nail was exposed. Dodger is smart--he started sleeping will all his paws under him. But I have found a new trick, hopefully this will continue to work with success. I actually got 4 of his nails trimmed tonight. I stand and hold him in my left arm, all four paws sticking straight out. Then with my right hand I trim one nail. After I am done with one nail and only one nail, I put him down clap my hands and say "Yeah Dodger, Good Boy." and then I give him a treat. Amazingly enough, he came back for more. So I did a 2nd nail--same way. When he had finished his Milkbone--he came back for more. So on and so on.

Dogs have such great and individual personality. It is amazing how they are so different. Trimming nails doesn't even scratch the surface. (Yes, Yes, I know--stupid pun).

2007-03-10T17:04:00.000-06:00

Amazing Grace--a review

I just saw the most heart touching story I have seen in a long time. It is about the abolition of the slave trade in England and the politics that went into this decision. It is historical and amazing. It is always so important to remember the suffing of others outside of ourselves. I have been going through my own personal tragedy and it meant something to be able to sit in a theater and be reminded yet again how insignificant my life is. This man gave the best years of his life fighting for a cause of such nobility--human freedom.

I had thought to sit down and write this beautiful review of the movie, but I'm finding my words and my eloquence fading. Just go see the movie--you will learn so much.

2007-03-01T06:48:00.000-06:00

Family Ties

I just recently bought the first season of

"Family Ties." As a kid I had a huge crush on Micheal J. Fox and always thought this show was hilarious. Still do apparently.

Here's the thought... I am having trouble thinking up any family sitcoms now that are not focused on the disfunction rather than the hilarity of an everyday, intact family. I am not saying that there are no good sitcoms out there. I am loving "The Class" and "My Name is Earl." "Rules of Engagement" is pretty funny too. Good, funny stuff. But no families. Do you remember "The Cosby Show," or how about "Growing Pains?" I miss the families.

2007-02-25T09:05:00.000-06:00

The thieves, the thieves, the flithy little thieves. Where are they my Precious?

I just recieved a call from my creadit card complany. There have been some strange charges on my account--nearly $7000. I still have my credit card on me and I have been racking my brain to discover how my number has gotten out into the world. There are, of course two possiblities. 1. Someone I know. or 2. From the internet. Altough I can't rule out someone I know, I will say I recently attempted to buy a Cross-Stitch pattern off the internet and never got the pattern. I ordered it from www.salt-and-pepper.com. They seemed well established, but I give them my credit card number, I don't get the product I ordered, and I get massive amounts of charges.

2006-12-05T22:23:00.000-06:00

Splenda

I love Splenda. I know that you hear all these horror stories about what Splenda can do to you, but I have to say, it has made it possible for me to stand so much diet food. It has opened up many doors that allow me to still enjoy life while maintain a strict diet. We are talking recipes galore.

Just tonight, I had Sugar-Free Mentos. Yum. I would not compare them side by side with regular, sugarfied Mentos, but these were really good. And you know why? That's right Splenda. My hats off to whoever discovered Sugar Alcohols.

2006-11-19T13:56:00.000-06:00

Well I would like to introduce the newest member of our family. Before any of you get to excited, it's our new dog. After much discussion, we have decided to name him Dodger. As in the Artful Dodger from Dickens Oliver Twist. The name fits this little dog. We were playing fetch and Miriam being the faster runner would get to the ball first. Dodger aka Rocky (the name he had in the pound), would wait until Miriam brought the ball back, dropped it and then would pick it up and run in a circle, acting like he was the one that brought it too me in the first place. We tried Rusty for a while, but it was too close to Rocky, we wanted a clean break.

We were concerned how he and Miriam would get along. Miriam took a long time to adjust to Delmar when he moved in. No problems. It was as if Miriam looked at Dodger and said, "Finally someone to play with--these humans are so slow and that cat is so mean." They have been getting along great.

2006-11-07T09:12:00.000-06:00

Election Day

Today, I am loving my job. As you maybe aware, today is election day and the schools in my county are out. So, without any kids to see, I don't have too much to do. It is still a work day--technically, it is just a lazy work day. And with the rain outside, it is a great day to have a lazy work day.

Oh yeah, and it gives me an opportunity to go vote.

2006-11-01T06:58:00.000-06:00

HOWL-o-ween

Last night our neighborhood--again, was slammed. From all over the town, people were bused, hayrided, carpooled or otherwise dropped off into our neighborhood. It was a mad house. Cars and kids were everywhere. But otherwise it was not a bad night.

I do have to make an observation though. The later in the night it got, the older and less dressed up the kids got. Right down to an adult, yes, an adult, a grown up with no costume handing out his bag saying trick or treat. I am offically turning into an old fart, as I wanted to tell the guy "grow up, Halloween is for Kids." Of course, I also want to tell this to the high schoolers that turn up with one streak of red face paint on each cheek, but otherwise no costume to speak of.

Now the little kids, they were cute. I saw fairies and SpongeBob, I saw ghosts and goblins. All the kids were so cute dressed up, and I am a sucker for the kids that say "thank you."

The only problem. Well their were two. One, I now have a couple of clients (and their parents) that know where I live. That's a little too close for me. Two, I have two bags of candy left over and I am on a diet--is there any charities that have a candy drop off?

2006-10-29T21:40:00.000-06:00

Pumpkin Carving

We have an emerging family tradition. The Sunday before Halloween, all the cousins and their kids along with my parents gather at my aunt's house (well, everyone that lives in the area). We eat lunch all together and then carve out our pumkins.

This, of course, got me thinking about family traditions. As I may have blogged before, my husband and I are trying to get some kids. We are participating in a foster to adopt program. Even though we do not have kids yet, the questions have begun to arise--what are we going to do with these kids? It's not the discipline stuff we worry about. Nor is it the scheduling stuff that I think will be an issue. It comes down to how are we going to pass our values down to our kids?

Pumpkin carving was a fun thing and a great tradition to start, but there were so many things that because I am a part of this family, I know that it is coming. There is a tradition of who is in the kitchen vs. who is watching football vs. who plays with the little kids and keeps them occupied vs. the teenage cousin acting cool and aloof. Then there is the sitting down at the dinner table where two prayers are said. That's right, two prayers. Two little boys both have to say a prayer. One is so proud to say "God is great, God is good..." while the other goes through a wonderfully long list of "Thank you God for..." When we get kids will a third or forth prayer be added or will my aunt be less indulgent (not because she is not accepting, but because these boys are her grandkids)?

Having received a degree in Marriage and Family therapy, I usually love to watch traditions meld and form. I love to observe others as they process through this change, the critical times usually being right after marriage and after the birth of the first child. Now I am on the cusp to this transition time and no longer the objective observer. It's a little overwhelming to think about.

What are some of your favorite family traditions?