Not an Exact Quote from a Book but...

Reading a book that has made me cry at least 20 times so far and I am nearing the end. I won't spoil anything, so consider yourself safe. My Sister's Keeper. That's the book. Anna is considering the difference between what her funeral will be and her sister's funeral would be. She assumes that there would be standing room only at Kate's funeral--Family, Friends, Nurse/Dr's from the hospital, people who have helped raise money for her treatments--again, Standing Room Only. Kate has Leukemia. Anna on the other hand sees her own funeral as much less attended and this brings me to the quote. Again, it's not exact... I don't have the book in front of me (I left it at the counseling center last night and my next session isn't scheduled until Monday). "People would sing Amazing Grace. All the verses, not just the famous one."

This got me thinking not about mortality. Or even about my own funeral. (My songs would be For the Beauty of the Earth [my favorite] and It is Well with My Soul amoung others, I do want lots of music). Nope, this got me thinking about that elusive 3rd verse in the hymns that we just don't sing like we should. Can I say that I am a hymnal person? In the whole hymns versus chorus/traditional versus contemporary debate I fall more to traditional, but have no trouble praising God either way... After all worship is NOT about the worshipper, it is about the object of worship-- and I think God likes both. That is not the debate I am talking about though... I love hymns because they are so theologically rich. They are deep messages that get to the heart of doctrine--why we believe what we believe. And choruses have that too, but hymns have been weeded out. The bad one (musically and theologically) have been discarded and only the truly rich have remained. The new choruses are experiencing that weeding out process right now, but more care has to be taken in singing just any chorus--after all, music is a powerful teacher, and I for one do not want to be taught or teach poor theology. I'm rambling.

Why do I like to sing all verses and not just the famous ones? Because sometimes I read over it and I see what we are missing and I so want that particular truth to be taught.

My Bags are Packed... I'm Ready to Go...

I'm standing here outside your door, I hate to wake you up to say Goodbye.
So Kiss me and smile for me...

That's right I am going on adventure again! This promises to be one of my best adventures yet. Gambia! The Gambia to be specific. I am thrill, I am excited. There is a beauty about experiencing different people and different cultures from your own, not just in books but truly to observe and connect in their lives.

I have learned so much from others in my life. I have been changed by my contact with other cultures. Each time I come in contact with new people I learn something. And I am not just talking about contact with those across the globe, I am talking about every day contact. I think that across the globe contact shocks us into learning more quickly. It opens our eyes and forces us to pay attention to the lives of others, to be observers so that the "bull in the china shop" syndrome can be avoided. But why can't we learn as well from others that surround us on a day to day basis? Well, I have a few theories about that as well. (this would be a side note coming on). First, on a day to day basis, we aren't exposed to that many different people--coworkers remain the same, the friends that we choose are very much like us, don't even get me started on the similarities of family. Second, once we get past initial stages with people, we assume that they don't change and we have nothing new to learn from them. Third, we put learning from others as a low priority--our own self absorbed tendencies take over, we are very much prone to say others should learn from us rather than the other way around. Oh, crap! I am guilty of this.

So, combating this (especially as we are tied year after year to same job, same town, same people) is something that must be intentional. Not necessarily a trip to Africa intentional, but purposeful just the same. I want to get out. I want to see and experience new things and I want to know new people. Have I told you I love my job (I am thinking of the counseling one right now, and yes there is a point, even if there is very little segue way)... on a week to week basis, new people come into my office and it is my job to learn about them--what makes them tick, what is essentials to their lives, what is allowable for me to tweak. What I end up asking myself, is do I extend the same curtesies to my friends--making intentional efforts to know them and what is essentials to their lives. Do I love my family enough to see that they view life sometimes differently and I can still learn from them? Do I show enough respect to my coworkers that I am getting to know how to relate to them best?

Sometimes it takes culture shock to truly love the people that are home. (Yes, I know... I did not end up where I originally intended to go with this post. That being said, I rarely end up with the post I had envisioned. That is why I am a random blogger and not a writer).

Wally World

I went to Walmart last night for the first time in almost 2 years. I simply hated to break my streak. It is not that I hate Walmart (there is all that stuff about fishy business practices--i.e., hiring 2 part-time workers rather than one full-time to avoid paying benefits, etc... But they are a cusumer driven business that demands lower prices and they strive to meet that goal however they can.) This would be only one of the reason that I usually choose to shop elsewhere. I also, don't like shopping there. It is rarely a fun experience and leaves me a little stressed out everytime I simply drive through the parking lot. Too crowded. Too much stuff that is not usually what I really want in the first place. But I am preparing to take a trip to W. Africa soon and I needed to stock up on some supplies and what better place to get everything all in one place than Walmart. I was disappointed (or I should say I found exactly what I expected to find, but was hoping for better). Their (sad, I almost spelled it "there" instead of "their"--grammar police is going to get me on that one). hm. Their selection of Bug repellents--not so great (I even check all 3 locations--camping/outdoors, lawn and garden, and bug killers next to laundry detergent)... And although the selection was different in all three places they did not have the one I wanted... pump spray Off Active (sweatproof, waterproof, good Deet concentration) and the Premithen to dip my clothes into--they had some sort of aerosol spray, but not the dip and they had the Off Active in the aerosol or a pump spray of deep woods off. Finally found the sunscreen I wanted. Forgot the batteries, because apparently they are now hiding. They didn't have the type hat I wanted, but I am happy with the sunvisor I did get and a new pair of sunglasses (sadly, not rose colored glasses, but polarized with some great tinting).

The real reason I don't go to Walmart... I always end up with more stuff than my list says that I need... Bubble sticks--really long tubes filled with bubble fun! Little note pad (very pretty blue with flowers on it and elastic to hold it closed). Dog treats (as if they don't have Milkbones galore and really need peanut butter flavored dog cookies). From the clearance row... a Cocomotion machine (they have one at the group home in Adams and it is such a neat device, but totally a one trick pony for the kitchen). I almost picked up a new Beta fish as well. But decided that I would have to clean out the bowl again and I not entirely sure where the drops are for the water--so, I actually resisted an impulse buy from Walmart... Oh, Walmart the nemesis to my savings account!

WHY????

I would like to know why the Tide To Go Pen seems to work great, except when I am at work and realized that I spilled coffee on my boob. Really I would think that is the best time to prove its worth, but no... I still have a stain and now I'm cold and wet. Even better it almost highlights the stain.

My Morning...

So, early morning was great today. Even extremely productive. Woke up at 4:50, made bed, started a load of laundry, fluffed the clothes in the dryer, ran 3.25 miles on the treadmill, showered, dressed, folded the clothes and was still ready to leave for work early. I was truly impressive. A force not to be ignored! (Have I mentioned that I tend to be a morning person...) Gathered my lunch into my pretty pink lunch bag, fed the dogs, grabbed by breakfast cookie and a glass of milk and out the door I go. As an after thought, I decided to take out the trash.

This is the time to let you know that I am the queen of the one trip. Why take multiple trips out of the car when you can just load up and take one, right? Hee Hee. I may have learned my lesson. So, this is what I look like... Left arm: purse, lunch bag, craft/book bag, cookie has been stuffed into purse, glass of milk in hand. Right arm: Trash bag in hand, cardboard box tucked under arm to go out to recycling.

I get all this together and realize that I don't have my keys in hand... So, I set everything down and go to searching. They are usually on the kitchen counter or the hook by the door. This time they were neither place. So I am searching frantically all over the house. They were in my purse the entire time. Now I have my keys in my pocket, and load up again according to the list above. Get out the back door and set the trash down to shut the door behind me, pick up the trash again and go to the steps to get off my deck. That is when I catch my heel in the hem of my pants. Luckily, I didn't crash down face first into the concrete porch, no... I managed to catch myself on the railing with my left hand. Just a reminder in case you don't want to review the list, my left hand is where the glass of milk is (luckily... plastic cup). I completely cracked the plastic cup, emptying the milk in to my book bag (all over my W. Africa orientation manuel) and all over hand and arm (and the porch/deck too). Of course it took me a few moments to realize the cup was cracked as I was just grateful that my head wasn't cracked open. All the while the milk is seeping out more and more onto me and in the book bag.

So much for being early to work. I go back in the house and clean up as best as I can. I get the trash to the trash can and take off my coat (as it is covered in milk--something to deal with later tonight). I rush back out to the car just in time to realize that I have locked my keys in my house and did not put a different coat on. Now I am cold, my arm is still wet and I am so thankful that my dad installed a security key box. So... I run around to the front of the house, let myself in, grab another coat, grab my keys, notice that the dogs are looking at me like I am a crazy woman--so I give them a treat. And now I am on my way again!

Then, as if to say, despite all this you are destined for a good day... I have a Mary Siting!!!

I'm Just Doing What I was Supposed To...

I went to get my allergy shot today. I am in the building phase of the shots, which means that I come in 2x a week. Not a problem, the shot room hours are great, I can go in Monday after work and Friday before work. Easy-breezy. Today, after getting my shot the nurse looks at the screen and looks at me and says, "You are really going through your shots." She said this all impressed like I was doing something amazing. Well, no, I signed up for allergy shots, commiting myself to twice a week for the first 3 months then weekly for 1-2 years after that. My understanding is that things work better when you follow the directions.

So, here is my question... Do we really live in a world where doing the bare minimum is impressive? I have noticed that all too often we set the bar low, we keep our expectations small, and then we still aren't surprised that those expectations are not met. Even at my job, I find myself growing cynical that someone is actually going to do what they said they will do. I get off the phone with someone, they have just told me that the check is going through with no issues, then I call the Accounts Payable department of that company and they have no idea about that payment--the Purchase Order hasn't even been approved. Why am I not surprised? I would have been more surprised if the payment was going through exactly as they had said.

On a side note, totally unrelated and slightly random. My elbows are very dry today. I have put Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion on several times and they just soak it right up.

But What about the Shows I still have yet to Watch

I came home this past weekend to my DVR blinking. It really didn't phase me too much. I simply don't have much time to watch TV. It is not really on my priority list. I love to put on some music and read a book, instead.. I have great fun sticking in a DVD into the player and getting on the treadmill (okay, great fun might be an overstatement). The point is, TV is low on my list. I save it for the few and far between lazy days that I have. That is why I think DVR is the best thing since sliced bread. Someone (Carrie) will ask if I have seen the latest Big Bang. I always have to tell her no, but then usually will watch it within a day or two (fast forwarding through those pesky commercials) then call her back and laugh at what silly thing Shelton had done.

So, finally New Years Day I made some effort to figure out the problem. Hit the reset button, unplugged and plugged it back in. Called DirecTV. Was told to do the same things while their system is running some checks. Yep, the box is fried, completely out of commission. They couldn't even tell what had happened. They want me to send the box to them so they can try to figure that out to prevent it from happening to other systems. So, they are sending me a new one. This means that I will have to go through and reset all the season passes. And those shows that I had been saving for my Lazy day (which yesterday was a perfect example)? Gone. So, I will have to wait to catch Shelton in reruns. This is a sad day.

A Reminder of How Much my Dogs Mean to Me

I saw "Marley & Me" yesterday in the theaters. I had read the book, so I knew exactly what to expect. If you are planning to see or read, please, save reading this post until after you have seen the movie or read the book. I really don't want to ruin anything for you. Although it is more about me than Marley, I don't want you to say you weren't warned...

The book/movie envoked two very precious memories for me. First was after there was a loss in the couples life. She couldn't cry, not at the doctors office, not on the trip home, not even with her husband. But when she got home, Marley was there, she was able to throw her arms around him and cry. How many times have I been unable (or unwilling) to cry in front of others and then gone home to Miriam? With Miriam, she doesn't tell me to stop crying, she doesn't ask questions about what's wrong, she just knows that I am hurting and is grateful to be there with me. When I finally lift my head from her shoulder, then she is ready with a comforting lick across the face. Almost as if she is saying, see its not so bad, nothing that a slimey tongue can't fix. Miriam has calmed alot in the past couple of years. She walks slower, jumps off the bed more gently in the morning, I know her site is failing, and her hearing is beginning to slip a bit. But she is still the same soul that loves me, loves her family.

The second was a little more painful. John said to Marley, "You will let me know when its time, won't you? I don't think I can make this decision by myself." Meaning when it was time to let Marley go, to put him to sleep. The first dog I thought of was Delmar. Letting him go after he was hit by a car was the hardest thing, and I am still afraid I was not brave enough to let him go when I should have, but waited through a couple of days of pain for him. Then I thought of Blaze, the wonder dog from my childhood. I was not there or in on the decision to let him go. I was away at school. She was an amazing dog. She used to climb on top of the dog house to sit. I think about my friend Katherine, who also had to let her dog go. I think about Craig and Rhonda and them saying goodbye to Killian. Letting go of your dog is inevitable--we simply live longer than our pets. But it doesn't mean that saying goodbye is ever easy. Katherine once explained to me that it was a misnomer to call your pet your child. The dog is simply not as selfish. Rather the dog seems to think it is all about you. All the dog really wants to do is love you, protect you, and make you happy. Treat him right and you will have a truly loyal friend.

Meeting New People

There are times in life when you are about to meet someone new. You know the meeting is coming, you have been planning it for months. After all, it was a specially planned weekend trip to accomplish the meeting. For me, there are different approaches that I have to meeting new people. There is the personal side, the business side and the counselor side. And yes, they really are all different.

The Counselor side is truly my easiest. This is a role I slip into naturally. My first priority is always to put the other person at ease and to begin to establish rapport right away. If they are not comfortable, then we won't get to the heart of the matter and therapy will not take place. I love meeting new people in this setting. Usually we have set goals and issues in mind to talk about. It is purposeful conversation and searching for a topic is not a problem. The other thing that makes this extremely comfortable for me, is that self-disclosure on my part is limited. I am the one asking the questions. I am the one gathering the information and forming theories of what will work best for that client. It is all about them. If I am going to self-disclose, I will have already worked out in my head how that would be beneficial for the client.

The Business side of meeting new people is a little less comfortable, but I'm getting better and better. Give me a sales person and I can make idle chit chat with them for hours on end. The part that I am still working on is how to politely stop the conversation so that I can actually accomplish some work. Can't exactly be entering invoices and double checking that work if you have a sales person babbling on about springs and steel quality and blah, blah, blah. Of course, these are conversations that I do want to listen to, so that I know who has what in stock when it comes time to order. So I do listen, that is until they get to the let me tell you about what my kids did this past weekend... I guess I would include in this category Job Interviews, and co-worker conversations. No problems there either.

The personal meeting of new people. I am not very good at this at all. (I know in my head that I am better than I tend to feel like I am, but oh, the fits of uncomfortableness that I go through). I tend to be rather quiet and reserved on meeting new people. Once I begin to get to know someone, I open up a lot more (you know, that give and take of personal information). So, my usual M.O. when meeting new people and I have to watch this, is to slip into counselor mode, make it all about them. It puts the other person at ease fairly quickly and allows them a chance to talk about themselves. Problem--they want to know me too.

The meeting this Weekend? I met the family of a very dear friend. The stakes were high. After all, I wanted to make a good impression. Was I nervous? Ha! Of course, I was. I wasn't too worried about them liking me, most people like me without too much trouble. (I know, a little full of myself). My main worry was how to let them get to know me in such a short time when usually it can take several meetings before I am comfortable enough to start opening up. I think I did okay. After all, we were all determined to like each other, which is a very good place to start. I was able to be a little more talkative when I would have preferred to just sit back and listen. It was a good weekend. And even better it was a good meeting of new people.